Message from RABBI MENACHEM M. SCHNEERSON שליט״א - The Lubavitcher Rebbe - On "Family Planning”
By the Grace of G-d
The Lubavitcher Rebbe שליט״א
On “Family Planning”
(Excerpts — abbreviated and freely translated — from his address to the Nshei uBnos Chabad Convention, 17 Sivan, 5740)
Children are the most cherished Divine blessing known to mankind. "Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it" (Gen. 1:28) is the first precept and blessing in the Torah. It teaches us that the world was created for the sake of mankind, and that it is a Divine obligation to marry and raise a family, and bring up the children in accordance with the will of the Creator, so that the world will be populated by a human race worthy and capable of "subduing it" — not only physically and materially, but also spiritually; a humanity committed to the Divine laws of justice and morality and mutual concern, under the tutelage of our Heavenly Father.
A truly blessed home is one that is filled with the joy of children, boys and girls, who are reared in the ways of our first ancestors, Abraham and Sarah, "to follow in the way of G-d, practising righteousness and justice" (Gen. 18:19).
Marriage, is a sacred, Divinely ordained, institution founded on purity and sanctity of family life (Taharas Hamishpocho), the observance of which is a precondition of true and lasting happiness, highlighted by the blessing of healthy offspring, healthy both physically and spiritually. Each child that is born into the home represents an additional Divine blessing to the parents and grandparents; there are no unwanted children, and no child is a burden, G-d forbid.
Knowing that children are a blessing from G-d, parents have no reason to be apprehensive about being able to provide for the child.
Surely the Giver of the blessing will provide. And "He who feeds and sustains the whole world" is able to take care of the children as well as of the parents.
If economic considerations cannot justify the limitation of a family, what about a home where the relationship between husband and wife is in need of improvement; should they hesitate about increasing the family? We must, again, turn to the Torah for guidance. The Torah teaches us that where a wife, by reason of immodest behavior, arouses the husband's suspicion and jealousy, thus creating a serious disruption of Sholom Bayis (harmonious relationship), but is found innocent of unfaithfulness, she will be rewarded by bearing offspring (Num. 5:29) — as a clear sign of G-d's favor and greatest blessing. For, children, more than anything else, cement the mutual relationship between husband and wife and the peace and harmony in their home.
In reality, any such argument for limiting the size of one's family on grounds of economic, or social considerations, or postponing having children until the relationship attains the highest level, and the like, is contrary to the spirit and letter of the Torah. Only in most exceptional cases is the use of certain contraceptives permitted by Jewish Law — and only a very competent Rabbinic authority is qualified to rule on whether such an exceptional situation does in fact exist.
The truth of the matter is, that in the overwhelming majority of cases, all the arguments to justify birth control stem from the same source — the Yetzer Hora (evil inclination), that inner tempter, whose function is to distract a man or a woman, from the way of the Torah and test his/her faith in G-d. This wily Yetzer works cleverly. He will not attempt to persuade someone to recklessly disregard the Divine laws, but will clothe vice in a garment of virtue, saying that whatever reprehension there may be in denying oneself another child, it will be more than offset by being able to devote more time and attention to worthy good causes, communal causes, and the like.
Aside from the religious aspect, experience has shown that couples who take the path of so-called "family planning" — a catching phrase that appeals to the sense of orderliness and forethought, and purporting to give parents the right to decide if, and when, and how many children they should have, sooner or later discover to their great dismay, that it has been counter-productive in the very areas of its supposed advantages. The actual effects of family planning have been, and are, emotional upsets, frustrations, strained relationship between husband and wife, all of which inevitably taking a toll of ill health. It has caused such couples to seek psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, marriage counselling in an effort, often futile, to straighten matters out. Thus, far from bringing orderliness into family life, family planning has caused disturbances and complications in the normal family affairs, with added financial burdens in doctors' bills, reduced mental and physical efficiency, not to mention the fact that family planning has often proved irreversible, and would-be parents eventually discovered that the blessing of children, or more children, has, alas, eluded them.
It does not require special perception or insight to realize that when the normal physical and spiritual process of married life, as decreed by the Creator and Giver of life, is tampered with, distorted, or altered, the peace of the household is bound to be disturbed. It is folly to attempt to take over G-d's bookkeeping and accounting to figure out how many children He is able to care for.
Proponents of family planning have concentrated their main propaganda on the female partner in marriage, since she has the task of childbearing and rearing the infants. I therefore urge every woman not to be swayed by it, but rather reflect on the great, very great Divine blessing and privilege of motherhood, with complete trust in G-d, that following the Divinely ordained way of life brings with it the three-fold blessing of children, life, and sustenance. Children — healthy children, happy children, and as many as G-d will grant; life — a life free of all those complications that unfortunately afflict the homes where family planning is practised; sustenance — in a generous measure in all needs, and more.
No wife and mother needs to feel chagrined at being dubbed "old fashioned", or at odds with modern times and modern culture. What "modern culture"? That which produced the Holocaust? The Holocaust of a million Jewish children? Indeed, the answer is: Every Jewish woman should realize, and do all she can to impress upon others, that it is a sacred duty and eternal merit of every Jewish mother to help replenish this horrible void.
Jewish women have a proud tradition and heritage of being the "Builders of the House of Israel". Even under the most abject conditions of slavery under the Pharaohs, with the horrendous decree of having their boy babies snatched from them and thrown into the Nile, they continued to bear children, and prolifically, even if it meant delivering them in the fields. It is this determination that produced the redeemer Moses, and the Divine hosts, whom he led to freedom: freedom not only from physical slavery, but also spiritual freedom with the receiving of the Torah at Sinai. Moreover, it is the children of that generation, and of all subsequent generations, that G-d accepted as guarantors that the Torah would be kept and cherished.
I further urge you, all the participants of this convention and all Jewish women everywhere, to take the initiative for a world-wide campaign to promote Taharas Hamishpocho and to bring the message of true motherhood into every home. Jewish women have historically played a crucial part in the preservation of our people, and they must do the same in the present critical times.
And in the merit of adhering to G-d's Plan, all human planning and designs against our people, and against humanity in general, will come to naught, and we can confidently look forward to the fulfillment of the Divine promise, through the mouth of our Prophet Micha (7:15): "As in the days of your exodus from the land of Egypt, I will show you wonders."
