PROPER SPEECH
Chazal say that one should speak in a ‘clean’ language, using positive expressions instead of negative ones. Thus, when HaShem told Noach to bring the animals into the teivah, He told him to include pairs of animals ‘that are not pure,’ instead of simply saying, ‘the animals that are tamei.’
Two talmidim were once grappling with a difficult subject in the presence of the amora, Rav. One talmid later commented, “This learning has left me feeling like a tired davar acher (“pig”). The other used the term, “a tired goat.” Rav did not speak to the first talmid any more.
Similarly, a certain kohen in the Beis HaMikdash once described his modest portion of the lechem hapanim as “the size of a lizard’s tail.” They investigated and found out that this kohen was of tainted lineage.
(פסחים ג ע"א וע"ב)
As he was walking, a great rov passed a dead dog which produced a horrible stench. One of his talmidim commented, “How bad is its smell!” The rov replied, “How white are its teeth!” and his talmidim felt embarrassed for having spoken negatively. He had taught them a lesson: one should not speak negatively, even about a dead dog, and certainly not about a living person.
(חובות הלבבות שער הכניעה פ"ו)
The Rebbe was especially careful with his words, using phrases such as ‘opposite of good’, ‘opposite of life’ etc. When the Rebbe quoted words of Chazal which were of a negative nature, he would only hint at them, not wanting to spell them out. In this spirit, the Rebbe suggested that in lashon hakodesh, a hospital should not be referred to as a home of the sick but rather as a home of healing, emphasizing its positive aspect. The exception to this, is when a lesson is being taught, for then things must be spelled out clearly, leaving no room for doubt.
(תו"מ תשמ"ז ח"ב ע' 37, לקו"ש ח"י ע' 26)
At a yechidus with the supporters of Tomchei Temimim, one of those present mentioned the deficiencies of a certain city, to which the Rebbe responded, “In discussing a deficiency, there are two approaches: one can either specify the problem, or highlight the positive, and the problem will be understood on its own. For example, if a person is missing his left hand (chas veshalom), one can either state that this person’s hand is missing, or one can speak about how much he accomplishes with his right hand, from which it is understood that his other hand is missing. This is the way one should speak”.
(תו"מ חכ"ד ע' 198)
CLEAN SPEECH
Chazal caution that one should speak in a clean manner, and warn that unclean speech can bring many tragedies upon the Yidden, and tefillos may go unanswered.
(שבת לג ע"א)
Chazal compare a worthy person who speaks coarsely to a palace with a dirty and foul-smelling tannery in it, causing all passersby to exclaim, “How gorgeous is this palace! How unfortunate it is that a tannery has been set up in it.” If one gains respect by the “bad smell,” how much more respect would he gain if he would emit a beautiful perfume, so to speak.
(מס' דרך ארץ בן עזאי פ"א ה"ג)
For many years, the chossid and shadar (traveling shliach of the Rebbe) Reb Leib Hoffman lived in Vitebsk. At yechidus, a certain chossid once told the Rebbe Maharash that he did not go to hear Reb Leib chazzering chassidus. The Rebbe advised him to go and listen to Reb Leib, “Since he has a clean mouth”.
(רשימו"ד חדש ע' 260)
One summer day in תשל"א (1971), a few bochurim were conversing near the Rebbe’s room, and one of them used inappropriate language. The Rebbe overheard it and his face paled.
At the next farbrengen, the Rebbe raised the subject and spoke about it with pain in his voice. The Rebbe appeared very serious and he looked intently at the bochurim, pleading that he should never have to mention the subject again.
"Though in general these matters are not discussed, but once in a while, they must be mentioned. The negative effects of unclean speech are far-reaching and an objection must be made. Though it is not my job, since I heard it, I must say something. Future farbrengens will no doubt be reserved for matters of Torah and yiras Shamayim”.
(דעם רבי'נס קינדער ע' קצט)
The Rebbe also said that improper speech can have negative effects on one’s avodas Hashem, and added that improving it will help one overcome certain internal struggles.
(תו"מ ח"י ע' 68, אג"ק ח"ט ע' רעג)
POSITIVE SPEECH
Chazal say that even when one must mention something negative, he should at least begin with a positive remark. When the Torah discusses the non-kosher animals it begins with those which have one kosher sign.
Dovid HaMelech began Tehillim with praise for those who refrain from following bad ways, as opposed to starting with a negative comment about those who do.
(ב"ר פל"ב, ירושלמי מגילה פ"ג ה"ז, ילקוט שמעוני תהלים א)
One should also conclude on a good note. In those seforim of Nach which end with something negative, the second to last possuk is repeated in order that our reading should end on a positive note. When the Rebbe spoke of something negative, he would always conclude with something good, or at least add the words, Umesaymim b’tov – “and let us conclude on a positive note.”
(ברכות לא ע"א, התוועדויות תשד"מ ח"ב ע' 632)
In תשל"ב (1972) the Rebbe’s Haggadah was expanded to include his sichos and letters relating to Pesach. When the printed volume was presented to the Rebbe, he noticed that the final words of the concluding note were “the pain of the child.” On the Rebbe’s instructions, a rubber stamp was promptly made with the words, LeShana habaa biYerushalayim. All the copies were duly stamped and were thus enabled to end on a positive note.
(מפי הרב יהודה לייב שי' שפירא)
CONSIDER
Is positive speech a means to promote positive thoughts or is it also an end in itself?
What is wrong with mentioning the negative elements of life? Are we denying their existence?