In general, the best way to approach any area of dispute is by focusing on one’s own feelings rather than what the other person is “doing wrong.”.
In the situation described, when the wife says, “Later,” the husband could reply: “I hear you. I know you’re in the middle of cooking and don’t want to stop things here. I do have to get up early tomorrow and I would really appreciate it if you could take that into account.” While no spouse should have to ask for something that the other should be doing for them anyway, if the husband addresses his wife in such a way, all he is doing is expressing his feelings, not asking for a favor.
What happens if she refuses to be considerate? Then he could tell her, “I’m so sorry that it’s worked out like this. I won’t force you to stop what you’re doing,” and then go to sleep. If things remain calm, the wife will generally feel the need to make amends — and will hopefully realize that she was only thinking of herself and not acting correctly.
By contrast, using phrases such as, “It’s not an option,” tends to drive the other person away — even if the husband is completely right and his wife is acting wrongly.
The husband also mentions that he and his wife have quite different natures — he is more of a calm person, whereas she is more lively. That can also make things harder, but most marriages involve two people with different natures, and that has to be accepted and addressed to collaborate and connect, not fought over.
That said, differences in nature should not be used to justify behavior that is beyond what is considered relatively “normal.” It’s important to acknowledge the difference between extremes and the middle ground of normal, which isn’t cookie-cutter specific. In this particular case, getting up at six a.m. is within the bounds of normal and even if the wife sometimes feels inconvenienced by it, as long as it’s not causing her significant difficulty, she shouldn’t intervene. If, however, the husband was to get up at two a.m. and go to bed at seven in the evening, and demand that she adapts her schedule to fit in with his, that would no longer be considered normal by most standards. It should only be implemented if that’s possible, without inconveniencing others, or with their consent.
In this situation, I would certainly say that a wife who often or regularly demands that her husband wait up till three a.m. (if he doesn’t want to), is not doing something that he’s expected to tolerate and feel comfortable with, regardless of when he wants to get up. It’s not unusual in a relationship for one spouse to fall into a pattern of doing things and not realize that they are being inconsiderate. In such cases, the other spouse should step in and try to reset the balance. If they find it impossible to come to an agreement between them, then it’s often a good idea to involve an objective third party.
