Mothers
Sam was 75 years old and had a medical problem that needed complicated surgery. Because his son Jacob was a renowned surgeon, Sam insisted that Jacob perform the operation. On the day of his surgery, as he lay on the operating table waiting for the anesthetic, Sam asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, Jacob. Do your best, and if you need a little incentive, just remember that if it doesn’t go well, if Heaven forbid, something should happen to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
The School Play
Yossi comes home from school and tells his mother that he has been given a part in the school play. “Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?” Yossi says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband!” The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part!!”
Ten Years Bad Luck
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue, and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying the casket. As they are walking out, the husband cries, “Watch out for the wall!”
Clinic’s Name
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association. It made a huge difference for me.”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face, and he asked, “What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. “Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
