When kids experience disappointment or frustration, they may "act it out." An angry child may kick, hit or punch; a disappointed one may sit on the floor and sob too long and too hard; a frustrated one might trash the room. These behaviors stem from the primitive inner toddler, the one who has no words yet. When they occur in people over the age of 2 or 3, they need to be redirected to verbal expressions such as "Well I don't like it!" or "I'm not happy!" or even, "I'm so mad!!!" After your child has completely calmed down and recovered from his upset feelings, go ahead and teach him what you want him to say the next time things go wrong for him. Make sure to have him practice several rounds of the new behavior in order to initiate the neural re-wiring that is a prerequisite for behavioral change. Then, on future occasions of dysregulated behavior, make sure to have him practice again after the storm has passed. When you see that he's able to put words to his negative feelings in real time, be sure to reward his efforts lavishly.
