A chassid once came to the Rebbe Rav Uri of Strelisk and asked for practical advice on attaining ahavas Hashem, love of Hashem. Said the tzaddik, “The way to attain ahavas Hashem is through loving your fellow Yid, and so I will give you advice on attaining ahavas Yisrael. Carry a box of matches with you so that when a fellow Yid needs a match, you will be able to provide it to him.”
Often, we see older men who serve as the shul’s “candy man,” distributing candy to the children. Many of us don’t understand what he wants to accomplish with this. They don’t appreciate his desire to put a smile on a child’s face. The truth is that even you, the thirty-year-old, can do so as well. We don’t appreciate how egotistical we can sometimes be....
Imagine if one day a young talmid chacham would decide to become a candy man; we would summon a psychologist to assess him! And it doesn’t need to be candies. Adults also need candies... of another sort: They need compliments, positive words, words of affirmation and kindness. Every person needs to become a candy man who distributes candy left and right—the sort of candy that adults need and appreciate.
This is the advice that the Chazon Ish gave to a man who came to him. “I see that you don’t possess the emotion of participating in the pain of others. The eitzah for this is to do for others. Begin doing favors for other people, and daven for the tzaros of another, even if you don’t feel what you’re saying.” Thus, the Chazon Ish was telling him that the way to change our internal feelings is by doing outward actions of chessed.
