The Gemara (Gittin 55) tells us that Yerushalayim was destroyed because of the famous incident involving Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. Someone made a banquet and invited his friend Kamtza, but the invitation was mistakenly delivered to his enemy, Bar Kamtza. The host became infuriated when he saw his enemy at the party and threw him out, and none of the other guests protested. Bar Kamtza retaliated by going to Rome and instigating the government against the Yidden, resulting in destruction of the Bais Hamikdash.
Obviously, Bar Kamtza directly caused the churban. But what did Kamtza do? Why do we attribute the churban to his actions, as well?
The Maharsha explains that Kamtza was the father of Bar Kamtza. If his son could do such a despicable thing, then some of the blame belongs to Kamtza. Clearly, he did not educate his son properly; he did not teach him how to be forgiving, to display good midos. Therefore, he deserves part of the blame.
When we look around at the way people interact with their children these days, it sometimes appears like we have forgotten the concept of tochacha completely. People have simply become afraid to rebuke their children. How do we think they will become the people we want them to be? We cannot guarantee success, but that does not absolve us of doing our best.
According to one interpretation, Yerushalayim was destroyed because people did not give each other constructive criticism. Who could this possibly apply to more than parents! We must shoulder this responsibility and correct our children’s behavior, whenever necessary.
A fifteen-year-old bachur came to Rav Zilberstein and asked him to summon his father to a din Torah. He explained that he had spent some time working in a matzah factory before Pesach, and he had used the money to purchase a cell phone. “However,” he said, “as soon as I brought it home, my father confiscated it! He told me it was dangerous for my ruchniyos, and he would return it to me when I got married! I earned the money honestly. What right does my father have to take away my belongings?”
“What is your father’s name?” asked Rav Zilberstein. “I greatly admire him and would like to make a ‘mi she’beirach’ for him this Shabbos! He then explained the Halachic rationale behind the father’s actions. The Gemara says (Shabbos 54) that if someone sees another Yid committing an aveira, and he does not protest, he, too, will be punished. Therefore, to avoid this consequence, the father has the right to stop you from harming yourself spiritually.
Another Yid was standing nearby at the time. Overhearing this exchange, he questioned the extent of the father’s obligation. “He fulfills his responsibility by protesting and by educating the child about the dangers involved in his behavior. Therefore, if the child decides to ignore him, the father should be absolved of all blame and should not be punished. If so, what is his justification for going further, and actually stopping him?”
Rav Zilberstein explained that in this case, merely speaking up does not even constitute a protest. Imagine if you see someone standing on a rooftop, threatening to jump. If you have the power to stop him, but you decide to try to talk some sense into him, instead, have you fulfilled your obligation? Certainly not! This is a blatant transgression of lo sa’amod, not to stand by while a Yid’s life is in danger.
Here, too, there is a clear and present danger. One cannot just share some thoughts and walk away, and if he does so, he will be held accountable. The bais hamikdash was destroyed in the month of Av, which literally means ‘father’. It is an opportune time to strengthen ourselves in our role as parents. If we would assert ourselves properly, so many tragedies, both physical and spiritual, could be avoided. Let us educate our children in the right path and will soon merit the rebuilding of the bais hamikdash, bb”a.
