Husbands, like anyone, like to feel needed and any normal, healthy husband will happily give his help to a wife who asks for it. A wife is a queen, not a serving maid, and is not expected to work like a slave for her husband.
If she is working too hard, then she should recognize a need to slow down and get help. Certainly she should never reach the point where she is unnecessarily exhausted and resenting her husband for “doing nothing” while she slaves away.
As always, getting communication right is key to improving rather than harming one’s shalom bayis. A wife who needs help should ask and not demand; a husband being asked should happily do whatever is needed.
To the second questioner, who asked about a wife who doesn’t seem to want an emotional connection with him, I would answer with very similar ideas. Don’t wait for your wife to be your loving queen. Treat her like a queen, and you’ll see her, be’ezras Hashem, beginning to treat you like a king. Give her respect and tell her how much you appreciate and treasure her. Don’t wait for her to signal that she wants an emotional connection. Start creating it yourself.
Sometimes, people tell me about a shiur or essay of mine that they enjoyed, and then add, “Now I just have to find a way of getting my husband/wife/parent to listen to it.” To these people I reply, “No, you heard what you were meant to hear. Now go and put it into practice. Don’t wait for someone else to make the first move.”
