The contradiction in compromising in Torah and Mitzvos: guilt feeling of a Jew
Mr. . . .
Greeting and Blessing:
I am in receipt of your letter in which you write that you are having difficulty conforming to the Orthodox way of life, and that therefore you have sought relief in compromise, but are having guilt feelings, etc.
I trust there is no need to point out to you that there is a big difference between trying one's best, and constantly striving to improve, in matters of Torah and mitzvot, on the one hand, and accepting compromise as a solution by cutting down Yiddishkeit to suit one's convenience. In the latter case approaching the Torah and mitzvot on a selective basis — there is an obvious contradiction in terms. For if a person reserves the right to decide what to observe and what not to observe, then the whole Torah ceases to be for him a divine instrument. On the other hand, if he believes that the Torah is G-d-given, then however high an opinion he may have of himself, he can surely not consider himself higher than G-d and qualified to override His imperatives.
As for any difficulty in conforming to all the mitzvot, this is not unusual in the present day and age. Most likely this is one of the wily tricks of the Yetzer Hara, (the inner "Tempter"), attempting to distract a Jew from his total commitment to G-d. For, if the Yetzer Hara openly told a Jew to act contrary to G-d's will, it would not work. So the Yetzer Hara attempts to persuade him to console himself with the thought that at heart he desires to live fully up to G-d's will, but what can he do if this is so difficult for him?
Granted, for the sake of argument, that the difficulty is not imaginary or exaggerated, but real — it should be remembered that even a human being would not give someone a task beyond that person's capacity. But while a human being might miscalculate the other's capacity, this cannot be said of G-d, the Creator of man, who is also the Commander of the commandments.
The feeling of guilt which you mention is not so surprising, bearing in mind the well-known simile by which our Sages characterized the essential nature of a Jew and Jewishness as that of a fish and water. It is not surprising that a fish that gets out of its natural element, water, should feel frustrated. Similarly, a Jew who is not fully immersed in his natural element — Yiddishkeit, Torah and mitzvot — must inevitably feel ill at ease, consciously and subconsciously; which in most cases is expressed in a feeling of guilt, sensing that he is not fulfilling his essential task as a Jew.
There is surely no need to elaborate further to you on the above.
With blessing,
