Part III. Home of Heroes
Don’t Worry!
Now a home like that, where Hashem is appreciated, needs a foundation of optimism to support it; you can’t build a happy home on the foundation of worry and anxiety. And therefore included in the obligation of a mother and father is to make the home a place of confidence and optimism.
Of course if you can tie the confidence up to the attitude of emunah and bitachon, that’s the best thing. If you can teach a child that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in charge and everything will turn out right in the end because there's a Father in heaven; if you can always repeat and emphasize that whatever Hashem does is for the good and thereby bring an optimistic attitude into the house, that’s the best approach. But whatever the approach is, it’s certainly important that worry should never appear in the home because it's implanting germs that are going to multiply as life goes on.
Childhood Trauma
Here’s a home where the father and mother are worried; they’re sitting together at the table, sitting and worrying. “We can't pay so much for the tuition.” “We can't afford the rent here.” And while they’re talking the little child is sitting under the table. He's so little they think he understands nothing but actually he's listening and he’s worried along with them. “What's going to happen?” It's the truth. The child is under the table or in the next room sitting there helplessly and the cold hand of anxiety grips his little heart.
And don't think that it passes by. It becomes a sickness which he will be unable to rid himself of all his life. Anxiety is not something caused by facts; it's an emotional state, an attitude. And if it's an anxious home, a worried home, then the worry will remain with that little boy even when he’s a big boy of sixty years old. Even when he'll be prosperous one day, he’ll be sitting in his office and without even thinking the anxiety will grip him and he'll suffer from it.
We’re A-OK
And therefore such talk—if it’s needed—is only in privacy, b’chadrei chadorim. The father and the mother must appear before their children like actors on a stage. You can never be natural. No matter how you feel you have to be to your children a hero. No matter what you come onto the stage with a smile.
You know, if you ever saw a politician you know that he never appears in public acting like he really feels. He's knocked out. He's been traveling all night to get here. He spoke just before someplace else. Now he's here and he has no energy. But he gets up on the stage and he's wreathed in smiles. He needs votes; what can he do?
A parent needs the votes of his children and therefore he should always appear confident. Always happy. Always as if he knows what to do. He's never desperate, never worried. Everything is under control. We are A-OK.
