The story is told about a Bachur who had to go to a very Treife area in Tel Aviv. He came back with lots of guilt, since it was very hard to be careful with Shmiras Einayim. He went to the Steipler Zatzal to complain about his Matzav. The Steipler Zatzal asked him if he tried once or twice to look away, and he said, "Yes". The Steipler Zatzal told him that he wants to stand up for him because of this.
Those who despite being in a low Matzav in Inyanei Kedusha still try to do that tiny bit, are Zoche to untold Zechusim. Of course, we need to avoid Nisyonos. When a person goes in the street and he watches his eyes, he gets tremendous Zechusim. For every person that he avoids looking at, he creates a: ַמ ְל ָא˂ ֵמ ִל ץי defending angel who will defend him in the Olam HaEmes.
And if indeed, a person is Nichshal, Chas V'shalom, but he does Teshuva, then that very same wicked Malach which his sin created, suddenly changes faces and he becomes a Teshuva Malach, i.e., your best friend who sticks up for you!
Hashem wants to give us more Zechusim! Some people complain that the Nisyonos of today’s streets and offices are too difficult for them. Actually, the time before Moshiach, the Yetzer Hara is almost "out of business", and he tries his best to get his last opportunity to destroy people. R' Matisyahu Solomon Zatzal said that our streets are worse than the Tum'ah of Mitzrayim, and a big Mekubal said that Manhattan has the low life Neshamos from the Dor HaMabul, Rachmana Litzlan.
This is precisely why our Zechusim are unbelievable. A Yungerman had his "game" by counting 55 opportunities to watch his eyes, just in the few minutes that he drives to work every day. Each time he looks away, he buys himself a giant: ַמ ְל ָא˂ ֵמ ִליץ defending angel. And when he falls and looks, Chas V'shalom, he can also get plenty of Schar for the pain that this gives him.
And even when you are Nichshal you keep saying: "That was only temporary insanity and a וּמ וֹע ם ֵבר short-term illness. But the real me is all the way on top. It's not healthy to put yourself down. In Ma’ariv we say: ןָטָֹש רֵסָהְו וּניֵרֲחַאֵמוּ וּניֵנָפְלִּמ please remove the Satan from “before” us and from “behind” us. What does “before” and “behind” mean? “Before” is the Satan that temps us to sin, and “behind” is the Satan that if we fall, makes us put ourselves down. םָקָו קיִדַּצ לוֹפִּי עַבֶשׁ משלי כד זט A Tzaddik falls seven times, and gets up! We are only human, and all we have to do is try our best.
A Yungerman told me that he has a severe addiction, and he can't control his eyes. I told him just to call me every other day, reporting to me his efforts to improve. This sounds like a simple Eitza, but it works wonders. It's already about a month since he started, and he's altogether a new person. Every time he calls, he sounds happier and happier.
The Seforim HaKedoshim say that the biggest Madrega is to have a struggle, even without being so successful. You are like a front liner in the army of Klal Yisroel, and through your struggles and suffering, you are making it easier for those very Tzaddikim that you envy so much! Nobody, is perfect, but during Parshas Pinchos the best thing to do is to daven to be more and more a true Pinchos, and less and less a Zimri.
We have a lot to learn from Pinchos, and the main thing is to keep davening for even the smallest improvement. You can't always get the high Madrega that you're looking for so quickly, and you need to have patience with yourself. Just a drop more being a Pinchos and not a Zimri one step at a time, and don't be impressed when you get those big "dips" in Avodas Hashem; this is the name of the game. The main thing is just to be an Oved (true servant of Hashem) and to daven and try. And most important: appreciate your successes in Avodas Hashem.
