Question: I have a relative that is often very jealous of me. Is it permitted to lie to my relative about those aspects of my life that make him envious so that he is not jealous of me?
Answer: Generally speaking, this is a classical case of “Mutar Leshanos Mipnei HaShalom – it is permitted to lie to maintain the peace” as it ensures that someone is at peace, i.e. not be jealous or upset. However, Rav Nachum Yavrov ZT”L explains that most Poskim hold that permitting a lie to maintain the peace is limited to people who are committed to leading a life of Everyday Emes. However, if one is generally not careful with telling the truth, then one may not avail oneself of this dispensation. Rav Yavrov also writes that even when it is permitted to lie to maintain the peace, if possible, one should phrase the lie in a manner so that what is said could still be interpreted theoretically in a truthful manner.
It is interesting to note that if one is generally not truthful, then his or her ability to make peace between people is compromised since most Halachic authorities according to Rav Yavrov, hold that one may only lie to maintain the peace if one is generally careful to be honest. The uncompromised ability to make peace between people can be a powerful incentive to practice Everyday Emes.
In Shmuel Aleph (Chapter 17) Dovid asked Shaul HaMelech for permission to battle with Golyas. The Midrash Tanchuma (Parshas Emor Siman 4) explains the verses in the following manner. Shaul HaMelech clothed Dovid with his royal tunic and weapons which should have been too big for the younger and smaller Dovid. A miracle transpired, and the tunic and weapons fit Dovid perfectly. Immediately, Shaul HaMelech glanced at Dovid enviously because he saw this as a sign that Dovid would succeed him as king of Israel.
When Dovid noticed that Shaul’s face was white with envy, he lied so as not to arouse Shaul’s jealousy. He said that he could not walk with Shaul’s tunic and weapons.
Rav Chanoch Zundel Ben Yoseph ZT”L, author of the Aitz Yoseph and Anaf Yoseph commentaries, explains that even though it was a lie, Dovid said it so as not to add to the pain of Shaul and awaken his jealousy. It seems that the possibility of this happening was enough to invoke the dispensation of lying to maintain the peace. Similarly, in the case mentioned above, to quell the jealousy of a relative, it would be permitted to lie to maintain the peace.
