Dear Alumni Sheyichyu!
Sholom U’Brocho!
Mazel Tov to Menachem Chaimpour on the occasion of his engagement. Mazel Tov to Yudi Matusof on the occasion of his engagement. May they use out the special period of Yokor Mikol yokor to its’ utmost! Mazel Tov to Rabbi & Mrs. Shlome Schwei on the birth of their son. Mazel Tov to Rabbi & Mrs. Yossi Sirota on the birth of their daughter. May they bring them up lTOveCHuMAA”T mitoch harchovo, and to be true chayolim/os! (If anyone is aware of any mazeltov’s that I omitted please let me know).
Our thoughts and tefilos continue to be with our brothers and sisters in the Ukraine, and especially the shluchim there who are practicing such remarkable mesirus nefesh, may Hashem speedily bring them true cherus, and bring them לגאולה ומאפילה לאור גדול!
In the end, the update below took much longer than expected, and I didn’t have the strength for the regular email, IYH od chazon lamoied.
On a personal note...
I was not really sure about sharing the following updates. I already shared general updates and I’m not in the habit of getting into so many details (besides which, some of the following updates are not the kinds of updates I like to share).
I am nevertheless writing the following update for 2 reasons: 1) I imagine myself some time in the future (maybe when I’m in my 80’s or 90’s), and I’ll be trying to remember my experiences of these years (maybe I’ll want to share them with my great grandchildren). Since my memory might not be that great then (who am I kidding? Of course it won’t be too good, it’s already not that great, and it sure aint improving in the next 40 years...). So I am recording these, very much, for myself, so that I will be able to use these emails, when needed, for my own record of these events.
2) More importantly: Some weeks ago, a woman called me over in the street and introduced herself. Her father, who had been one of the very respected members of the anash community, had just passed away. During his illness, she informed me, he derived much chizuk from my emails about my own experiences. I had no idea that my emails had been reaching him (he wasn’t a family of an alumni), and I was overjoyed to hear that my emails were helpful to someone going through difficult times (and, as a result, I pushed myself to write an email that week, though I hadn’t been planning). The thought, now, too, that my experiences, may provide encouragement to another (if only because צרת רבים חצי נחמה) is what pushes me to record them. But most of you can skip the rest of this email.
I have been experiencing abdominal pain for some time. It started over 4 months ago. It would happen on occasion, as severe gas pains, that would last between a half hour to an hour, during which I couldn’t do much, and then it would pass. After a few occurrences, I realized that there was something going on, and I mentioned it to my doctors. They suggested “gas-x”, a medication for gas build-up (which didn’t make sense to me, because I could tell this wasn’t ordinary).
With time, these attacks became more frequent, longer lasting, and more painful. I could actually see a bulge in my skin, where it ballooned out, and where I was able to push it back in with my hand. This was together with other abdominal problems, and severe pain. My doctors continued to recommend gas-x (gas-x!!!) and prescribed a medication for inflammation.
Well, to make a short story long, it continued to worsen. The pain was unbearable, very intense and long-lasting. After one episode, that lasted for hours with unendurable pain, I had myself admitted to the hospital, to urgent care (upon the advice of my doctors. I already shared with all of you in an earlier email my experience on the way to the hospital). My primary goal was that they should finally get to the bottom of what was causing all of this.
Well, the hospital took x-rays, and told me the good news, - that there was no obstruction. They did detect gas buildup, and therefore told me to continue the prescriptions of my doctors. They didn’t do any thorough examination to determine what was behind it, and I left disappointed and frustrated. And I was continuing to endure, increasingly, this unbearable pain.
Well, last week I had extensive scans and MRI’s, in anticipation of my new treatment. When my doctor was sharing with me the new discoveries, I asked him if they showed anything that could shed any light on my terrible abdominal pains.
“Yes”, he said, “they showed you have a hernia”. A hernia! A quick consultation with Dr. google showed me that a hernia is easily diagnosable, and that, furthermore, my symptoms should have been an easy giveaway. A proper examination would have definitely uncovered it. Now I was beyond exasperated! All that pain and suffering was totally unnecessary and totally avoidable. If they would have just paid attention to me, this would have been treated and corrected months ago, long before becoming so severe, saving me from months of agony.
Moreover, the only proper way of fixing it is with surgery. But, right now, for some reason (because of the imminent treatment etc.), surgery is not an option for me. So, I have to continue to endure! Talk about טוב שברופאים! And, besides all this, they still haven’t done the proper exam to really get to the bottom of it. When I describe the specifics to my doctor, he feels it is more complex than a “plain” hernia, and that a physical exam from a surgeon. In the meantime, I’m kind of in limbo, with pain ranging from very painful to excruciating.
When I calmed down, however, I realized that my reaction was totally unjustified. After all, it is not my doctors who determine my fate, nor am I dependent on their competence or lack thereof. I have my real Doctor, and He alone decides my fate. The other doctors are merely his puppets. And He is well aware of exactly what my condition is, and can fix anything instantaneously. And, if I had to suffer, it was only because He had His reasons, whether or not I understand them (perhaps I need to concentrate better by אבל לא י"ע יסורים וחליים רעים). And if He has His reasons, nothing the other doctors do will change anything.
Of course, the Torah tells me to go to the doctors, ניתנה רשות לרופא לרפאות (and I received numerous answers from the Rebbe to listen to the doctors). But I should never, ch”v, make the mistake of thinking anything is actually dependent on them. I visit them to make a keli, but my healing comes entirely from my True Doctor!
So, I continue to daven to the רופא כל בשר ומפליא לעשות to allow me to be יוצא with what I have already endured, as the Rebbe brings in a maamar (in the name of the Tzemach Tzedek) that the Eibishter is כל יכול למחול גם בלי יסורין, and from here on I, and every single yid, should experience only revealed good.
Update: Bh, tomorrow (Friday), I have an appointment with a specialist, who will (hopefully) finally deal with these issues.
Back to my scans. I’ve been suffering from a very bad persistent cough as well, for well over a month. It was very intense and getting worse, causing shortness of breath and interfering with my daily activities (and, of course, when I was experiencing any of my other pains, the cough just triggered them and made them worse). At first, the possibility was considered that it was seasonal allergies. My doctors had me take Claritin (Claritin!!!), which I did for a few days, and discontinued upon realizing it was making no difference at all.
Of course, there was the other possibility, that this was connected with the disease in the lung area.
