Question: I have a bad habit of watching television on my computer. I know there are better ways to spend my time, and I know it isn’t helping my service of Hashem. But I live alone, and after a long day it’s so tempting to relax in front of a screen. How can I stop?
Answer: The first step toward change is recognizing the issue and wanting to grow. You’ve already taken that step—you are on the right track. It is written in Tehillim (34:15), “Turn away from bad and do good...” This verse presents two complementary strategies: sur m’ra (turn away from bad) and asei tov (do good). Both are essential.
Sur M’ra – Creating Distance:
Start by making the habit harder to access. You may not be able to get rid of your computer, but you can install a strong filter to block television and streaming sites. Use the “5-Minute Delay” rule—when you feel the urge to watch, wait 5 minutes before acting. During that time, do something else (e.g., stretch, drink water, daven, or learn a short piece). This small pause often reduces the craving.
These may seem like small steps, but they create distance between you and the behavior, making it easier to resist. The hardest part is the beginning—after that, it gets easier.
Asei Tov:
Light pushes away darkness. Filling your life with uplifting activities will naturally reduce the pull toward passive entertainment. Create a post-work schedule that includes meaningful goals: learning Torah (even just 15 minutes), joining a chevruta, exercising, attending a shiur, reading a good book. Keep to your routine—the consistency builds new habits and fulfillment.
Pay attention to triggers—boredom, loneliness, a difficult day, etc. Often, the craving isn’t for the show itself, but for escape or comfort. Like someone who drinks to relax, the desire fades when the underlying tension is addressed. Identifying and resolving those triggers helps reduce the urge altogether.
The Sefer HaChinuch teaches that the heart follows the actions—a person is shaped by their actions. Change the behavior, and your thoughts and feelings will begin to shift as well. Over time, you’ll not only lose the desire—you’ll gain a stronger, deeper connection to a more meaningful life.
Aharon Schmidt, marriage & individual counseling: www.aharonschmidt.com.
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