Question: Shalom U’bracha. I have a Karov who has been out of a job for a very long time, a little less than a year. It has been a very difficult Nisayon for him and his family. As a result, the Baal Nisayon, his parents and other family members have collectively been M’kabel upon ourselves ways to M’chazek in Bitachon, daven lots of Tehilim, learn Shmiras HaLashon, and other such Kabalos, in order to facilitate a Yeshua for him. In the meantime, his parents and in-laws have been supporting him in order to help him pay his expenses. But it has taken a toll on them as well! I fear the constant reliance on his parents is inhibiting his ability to Po’el a Yeshua using real Bitachon. Should he continue to accept or not?
Answer: Take whatever you can. And keep davening. Don’t be frum. That’s what I say. You need a big person to stop taking money. But if it’s hard on them, then that’s a point. If it’s hard on these people, be Mispallel that it should be easier. Be Mispallel, it’s a Zechus for them. As long as he's making the right Hishtadlus.
A lot of the Hishtadlus is to “chill out” and not get worried about it so much. Learn more. Sit and learn! Let the guy learn; he's not making money anyway! Let him learn! Learning will bring Yeshuos in his life! Let him spend more time learning. It’s not K'dai to go around aimlessly trying to get a job, when it’s not happening. Do what's a normal amount of Hishtadlus, and the rest of the time learn a blatt Gemara! With Bitachon together. Be positive. Thank Hashem for the Matzav. Thank that everyone is alive and well, and don’t get so stressed.
Lots of people out there are without a job. A lot! They are everywhere. And they live and live for years and years. No one is starving. Granted, if they need a check, it will be a little hard. It won’t be pleasant. I remember people who nebach got laid off. Ten years down the line they are managing. They are marrying off kids. Just that it is a little unpleasant. They have to take a little money here and there. I haven’t heard of mounting debts, rarely. Usually, the Eibishter helps.
It’s not the end of the world. Don’t look at it as if the world is turning over. Live with the pain of the issue. Enjoy the nachas and the Shalom Bayis and the Torah and the fact you are having a Nisayon. Be positive! You'll be fine. So you don’t have Parnasa. I knew so many people in my life “this one has no Parnasa, this guy nebach, etc.” There are people I see every day. Everyone knows “there's no money there”. The guy is fine! He's doing so well with his Shiduchim, and he ligs in learning. So he doesn’t have Parnasa. So? You don’t have Parnasa? The world is turning over? It’s not turning over.
A long time ago, no Parnasa meant that you might, Chas V'shalom... Today, it’s not that way at all. Most of the issue is just Kavod, accomplishing, using your time; which are all valid points. But the real problem of not having Parnasa is not as major as it used to be. So don’t take it too seriously. And don’t be serious about life. I went to so many Chasuna's where everybody knew that the M'chutan had no money. All over the place. Nothing! And they make the best shidduchim, better than all their friends.
