Confidence in success breeds success; the negative consequences in self-recrimination
By the Grace of G-d
24th of Iyar, 5732
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Mrs. . . .
Westmount, Canada
Blessing and Greeting:
I am in receipt of your letter.
First of all, I must respond with the observation, which surely is superfluous in your case, that one of the basic tenets of the Torah and way of life is complete bitachon in Hashem, Whose benevolent Providence extends to each and everyone individually. This is not merely a philosophical proposition or an abstract idea, but, as explained frequently, it is meant simply and literally that all that G-d does is for the good. However, a person must, of course, do what he can to help things in the natural way and in this effort too, one receives G-d’s help. And the stronger one’s faith in G-d, the greater is the help and hatzlacha in the personal effort. If this is true in regard to every Jew, man and woman, it is certainly so where it concerns a Jewish wife and mother, the Akeret Habayit. All the more so when one has seen G-d’s benevolence in being blessed with a good husband and good children and being endowed also with the capacity to be an inspiration and influence to other women, who are or will be Akeret Habayit in due course. Thus, in your case the words of King David in Tehillim — “I have been an example to many,” apply with particular force, as also the conclusion of the verse “For You are my strong refuge” - meaning that even if there are difficulties, G-d provides the strength to overcome them.
In light of the above, you should first of all negate any tendency to depression, self recrimination, defeatism, etc. On the contrary, you should have every confidence that you will succeed and such confidence in itself, as is generally recognized, is a strong psychological factor in seeing things in their proper perspective and finding the best ways and means to obtain the objectives.
Although this is not exactly my field, but it seems to me that in problems such as you describe, the best approach is not to indulge in self recrimination and self evaluation, but rather to completely dismiss all undesirable and distracting thoughts by diverting attention to something else totally unrelated. It is well known that a muscle that is not used frequently or not at all becomes weakened or atrophied. The same is true of undesirable tendencies and inclinations which can be overcome not by wrestling with them, but rather by ignoring them altogether.
May G-d grant that you should have good news to report.
With blessing,
