Six months before his passing, Rav Shlomo Zalman was extremely weak and bedridden. One Motzaei Shabbos, his son Rav Baruch returned home from Selichos and was shocked to discover that his father was gone. He searched throughout the neighborhood but could not find him. Some time later Rav Shlomo Zalman returned.
"Totty," his son asked, "where were you? You are too weak even to attend Selichos."
Rav Shlomo Zalman explained that every year before the first Selichos he visited an elderly Yid who lived on the sixth floor of an apartment building to wish him a good year. "If I do not go this year," Rav Shlomo Zalman explained, "he may think I forgot about him. He will feel alone."
His son was astonished. "But Totty, you did not have the strength to go to Selichos. How did you have the strength to climb six flights of stairs?"
Rav Shlomo Zalman answered: "Selichos is between me and Hashem. Hashem knows that I am weak and He understands. But this Yid does not know my situation. If I do not come, he will feel hurt." His concern for another person's feelings outweighed his own weakness.
The Steipler Gaon once received a letter from a bachur who was struggling to find his shidduch. The young man asked for a brachah. After reading the letter, the Steipler sent back an unexpected response. "I have never met you," he wrote, "but I can already tell you something. In your letter you used the word 'I' more than twenty five times."
The Steipler continued: "As long as everything revolves around 'I,' you will struggle to have siyata d'Shmaya. Stop focusing so much on yourself and start thinking about others. Then you will find your shidduch."
These stories reveal the secret of the Avnei Milu'im. The greatest people who ever lived did not spend their lives thinking about themselves. They spent their lives thinking about others. They felt another person's pain. They noticed another person's loneliness. They searched for ways to help, encourage, and uplift. They became filling stones.
Perhaps this is also the secret behind "Mishenichnas Adar marbin b'simcha." The salvation of Purim came through Esther HaMalkah. Esther was willing to sacrifice everything for Klal Yisroel. She gave up her own comfort, her own spiritual growth, and even placed herself in danger in order to save her people. Had Esther focused only on herself, there would have been no Purim.
Many people spend their lives concentrating on what they are missing. They think about their problems, their disappointments, and their unmet desires. The more a person focuses on himself, the harder it becomes to find true happiness. The secret of simcha is to shift the focus away from ourselves and toward others. When we help another person, carry another person's burden, or brighten another person's day, we become part of something larger than ourselves. That brings a deeper and more lasting joy than anything we can do for ourselves.
Perhaps this is why Chazal never explained how to fulfill "Mishenichnas Adar marbin b'simcha." The answer is hidden within the story of Purim itself. Follow the example of Esther HaMalkah. Become an Avnei Milu'im. Fill the needs of others. And when we stop living only for ourselves and begin living for those around us, we will discover the greatest secret of all: The path to true simcha is bringing simcha to someone else.
