they focus their mercy more on their parents than on other poor, but for some reason the yetzer succeeds in making them forget the pain of their parents, and they show mercy on other poor. The intellect cannot comprehend this, how can he neglect the father who did so much good for the son. For more than two decades he raised him, took care of him, sustained him, worried about his chinuch and anything he lacked, and was even concerned about him marrying a wife, and with all this, he is oblivious to helping him. In contrast, he helps another poor person who he barely knows, additionally, the son is the cause for a portion of his father’s debt... this is but the advice of the yetzer, who knows the extent of the segulah and advantage of tzedakah, and it creates a situation where it cannot hold the person back from giving tzedakah, at least it entices him to do the mitzvah, but not to keep it properly.
We see something similar by many people who are known in the community to be ‘anshei chesed’ – ‘people of kindness’, people who have the unique power and ability to make connections and speak to the hearts of people and have them donate to the poor of Israel. We see that they do great things and accomplish a lot, and we see how their work is blessed and they literally lift up the poor. However, even by them there is a glaring wonder, when they receive a request for help from one of their relatives, they avoid them and they do not want to help their relatives.
This is truly amazing! We are talking about people who are ‘tuvi leiv’ – ‘good hearted’ who find it hard to see the distress of Bnei Yisrael, it would have been appropriate to bestow their mercy on their relatives, their family. At least not to treat them worse than others of the House of Israel, then why is their share specifically less? True, this is the result of the trickery of the yetzer, who does not want proper tzedakah, aware of its segulah and attributes.
One of the tricks the yetzer employs to stop the person from helping his relatives, I once heard from Rebbe Fishel Eisenbach – Rosh Yeshiva of ‘Shaar HaShamayim’. Rebbe Fishel told me in the name of his Rav, Rebbe Mordechai Chaim (Rebbe Motel) of Slonim, who said that this that they do not want to help relatives, is because the relatives are not grateful. Just the opposite, they complain that they are not being helped as much as they need. But when the person helps his relative, he testifies that he is doing the mitzvah for the right sake.
Rebbe Motel’s words are concise, and not simply understood. Who does not than his relative when times are difficult? In truth, it is not the ‘thank you’ he wants to hear. The ‘thank you’ he receives from the public gives him more honor than a ‘thank you’ from a relative. Even if his relative tells him ‘Thank you’, it does not come with a measure of praise, since at the end of the day he does something he is supposed to do. But a stranger, when he thanks it comes with a modicum of respect and admiration, he is called a ‘doer’ and a ‘gomel chesed’...
However, we must know that it is specifically the bother that is done for relatives demonstrates the correct way of the person. This testifies for him in the True World that all that he did was for the sake of a mitzvah and not for honor and glory. Aside from helping relatives, it is truly more of a mitzvah.
ומבשרך אל תתעלם
Do not ignore your messages
כִּי יִּהְיֶה בְךָ אֶבְיוֹן מֵאַחַד אַחֶיךָ בְאַחַד שְעָרֶיךָ בְאַרְ צְךָ אֲשֶר ה' אֱל קֶ יךָ נֹתֵן לָךְ לֹא תְאַמֵץ אֶת לְבָבְךָ וְלֹא תִּקְ פֹץ אֶת יָדְ ךָ מֵאָחִּיךָ הָאֶבְיוֹן: (טו, ז)
If there will be a destitute person among you, of one of your brothers in any of your cities, in your land that Hashem, your G-d, gives you, you shall not harden your heart nor shall you close your hand against your destitute brother. (15:7)
Rashi explains: Of one of your brothers – your brother from your father takes precedence over your brother from your mother. Your cities – the poor of your city takes precedence over the poor of another city.
The words of Rashi are ruled in halacha in Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah Siman 251 seif 3) where it discusses the topic of the obligation to give tzedakah to relatives which takes precedence over non-relatives. It is appropriate to study the halacha with all its details as many people disparage this without knowing. This is the Shulchan Aruch: ‘One who gives to his adult children, who are not obligated on him for sustenance so that the sons can learn Torah and the daughters conduct themselves in the proper way, so too one who gives gifts to his father, and he needs them, this is counted as tzedakah. Not only that, but one must give them first before others. Even if he does not have children or a father, but he has a relative, the relative takes precedence over everybody else. His brothers from his father take precedence over his brothers from his mother. The poor of his family take precedence over the poor of his city, and the poor of his city take precedence over the poor of another city.’
We see this explicitly in the words of the nevi’im (Yeshaya 58:7), 'הלוא פרֹס לרעב לחמך ועניים מרודים תביא בית כי תראה ערום וכסיתו ומבשרך לא תתעלם' – ‘Surely you should break your bread for the hungry, and bring the moaning poor to your home, when you see a naked person, clothe him, and do not hide yourself from your kin’. Radak explains, ‘Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, is an obligation on every Jew, but if he is a relative, the obligation is even greater than this, and if he sees that he is poor, do not hide yourself from him until he has to ask for sustenance, rather the obligation is to lend him and open ways for him to thrive.’
In the sefer ‘Nehora D’Uraysa’ (written by a student of the Baal HaTanya) the author speaks about the mitzvah of tzedakah, how he sees that Bnei Yisrael increase this very much, until their good deeds raise the question, why doesn’t Ben Yishai (Moshiach) come? Chazal promised us (Bava Basra 10a) that tzedakah will bring the geulah [redemption? True, the answer to this is that their giving is not according to halacha, since there are specific halachos with tzedakah, who precedes whom, and many skip these halachos, and they cause the tzedakah to not be accepted, and therefore it does not make an impression...
You learn from his words that whoever is not careful with the priority of tzedakah is left without his money and the exchange. He gave his money to others and he did not properly earn the mitzvah of tzedakah. Therefore, it is fitting to be meticulous in this matter, especially in these days of much distress and needs. One of the attributes of Israel is that they are receptive and giving, however, everyone must make a cheshban hanefesh – soul searching if the giving is to the right place. There are many young men whose fathers have already married off their children and have accumulated much debt. It would seem appropriate that
