A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, "Maggie - put your hat and coat on, lassie." She replied, 'Awe Jock that's nice are you taking me tae the pub with you?" 'Nay," Jock replied "I'm turning the heater off while I'm out.'
Moishe Goldberg, owner of Moishe’s Kosher Grocer, decided to do his friend Herb a favor and hire his grandson David, fresh out of college, to work in the grocery store. David reported for his first day of work and Moishe greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," David replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said Moishe. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
Miriam Epstein was driving her old beat up car on the highway with her 7 year old son, precocious little Moishie. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. Surprised at the speed of traffic, she looked at her speedometer and noticed that she was doing 10 miles over the speed limit. She moved to the slow lane and then looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?" Little Moishie piped up from the back seat, "I do! Because you couldn't catch the other cars!"
David Rosenberg, a collector of rare Jewish books ran into an old acquaintance named Chaim Yankel who told him he had just thrown away an old Hebrew Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. "You threw it out?! You can’t do that! Scolded the collector. Just how old?" "Really old!" answered Chaim Yankel. Like, really old. I mean, it could be a thousand years old, who knows? First of all, you can’t throw away a Chumash, it’s sacred! Said the furious collector. Second, an old Chumash could be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to the right collector. What have you done?!" "Oh, don t worry I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied Chaim Yankel. "There’s Hebrew notes scribbled all over in the margins. Alarmed the collector asked, Scribbles ? Any idea who the author was? My Hebrews not that great but it looks like somebody named RASHI."
