“You are children to Hashem, your G-d – you shall not cut yourself and you shall not make a bald spot between your eyes for a dead person. For you are a holy people to Hashem, your G-d, and Hashem has chosen you for Himself to be a treasured people, from among all the peoples on the face of the earth.”
Without question, the death of a loved one brings a crushing blow to the hearts of those that are left behind. When someone we love is no longer with us, the connection we shared is often replaced by a gaping, gut-wrenching void that can seemingly never be filled. In ancient times, pagan mourners even expressed their grief through various forms of self-mutilation. While Jewish wisdom is keenly sensitive and realistic regarding the intense emotions that arise in the throes of personal tragedy, why does our Torah verse prohibit self-mutilation as a response that is inappropriately extreme?
The answer seems to lie in the language we use to refer to G-d in comforting a mourner during the shiva period: “May HaMakom (“The Place”) console you among the other mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim!” Of all words that we might have chosen to refer to our Creator (e.g. the Compassionate One, the Holy One, etc.), why do we select the word HaMakom – the Place, or the Omnipresent – as the description of Hashem when comforting a mourner?
“The Place” Within “The Palace”
One reason is that this particular title, “The Place”, reassures the mourner that all of us – those living in the “here” and those living in the “hereafter” – exist in the very same overall Place, under the shelter of G-d’s all-encompassing Umbrella. This term lets us know that while the dearly departed soul has moved on to another room within the “proverbial Palace”, he or she has not moved far, and therefore the mourner can confidently look forward to being reunited with that soul when the appointed time will arrive.
Reunion Of Souls
In this light, we can see why a mourner’s decision to inflict self-damage is deemed an excessive response: this act reveals the hopeless assumption that death does not represent a human soul’s transition, but rather a chillingly final end to that being’s existence. In stark contrast, calling our Creator “The Place” teaches us that while it is certainly natural and appropriate to cry, grieve, and experience a wide array of emotions over the temporary loss of a tangible relationship, we can take solace in the assurance that this loss is indeed temporary. May we all be comforted by the realization that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones – with those whose souls have been on a journey, relocated to another destination nearby! (Rav Erlbaum)
