The Midrash (Yalkut Shimon ch.45, remez 152) states, "Bilaam was the wisest person among the goyim, but he couldn't stand up to the rebuke of his donkey. Bilaam's donkey said to Bilaam (Bamidbar 22:30) כה לך לעשות הסכנתי ההסכן לא ואמר, 'Have I accustomed to do this to you [to stop in the middle of the way],' and [Bilaam] answered, 'no.' What rebuke was said here?
Reb Avraham Pam zt'l (rosh yeshiva Torah Vodaas) answers that the donkey said, "I haven't acted this way to you in the past, so you should have understood that there is a valid reason. Why did you hit me?" The lesson is that if your friend behaves improperly with you and doesn't generally act that way, don't embarrass him. Don't get angry with him. Find out the reason he is acting this way. Perhaps he is going through a hard time. Now is the time to have compassion and understand what he is going through. You shouldn't rebuke and humiliate him.
And many times, you think that he harmed you, but it is just an imagination. Many machlokes are based on misunderstandings. The Satan doesn't forgo the opportunity to turn "a nothing" into a major issue. Someone is angry that he wasn't invited to his neighbor's chasunah. This alone can cause a major rift and distance between people. But perhaps it wasn't intentional. Maybe the neighbor forgot, or possibly the neighbor sent the invitation, but it got lost in the mail. Might these "nothings" become significant disputes—all due to misunderstandings and judging the situation wrongly?
People tell a story about a person who needed money. He was walking to his friend's home to ask for a loan. As he walked, he told himself, "He probably won't lend me the money. I think he will give me nothing." And then he thinks, "How do you know that he won't give me the loan? Maybe he will?" But the first thought is more strongly implanted in his mind. He thinks that his friend probably won't lend him the money. He keeps thinking about it until he is certain of it. And now he is angry. He tells himself, "I helped him so many times. Why doesn't he want to help me? What did I do to him that he should treat me this way?" He thinks these thoughts as he continues on his way to his friend's home to ask for a loan. He is now burning with rage. He knocks on his friend's door. When the friend answers the door, he says, "I don't want your help. Don't lend me the money, I don’t care. I don't want to know you anymore." He slams the door shut. The friend has no idea what he is talking about or why he is so angry. This story is a mashal, but cases like this happen so often. People imagine bad things about their fellow man until they think it is the reality, but it is just an imagination. And if you don't stop yourself from realizing that it is just an imagination, the machlokes can grow and take root.
