Chazal say that when the funeral bier of R. Eliezer HaGadol was brought to burial, R. Akiva struck his own flesh until blood flowed to the ground.
Tosafos objects that this should be forbidden because of לא תתגודדו – “You shall not cut yourselves... for the dead.” The answer offered by Tosafos is that one may not cut himself in grief over the deceased, but over words of Torah that one has lost, it is permitted.
This truly needs to be explained. The act of לא תתגודדו seems to be a clear Biblical prohibition on making cuts in one’s flesh over the deceased. What does it matter that the deceased was a great Torah scholar?
The answer is that R. Akiva did not do this in grief over the person of R. Eliezer.
I heard an explanation of the matter in the name of R. Chaim Shmuelevitz zt”l. Right before the prohibition of לא תתגודדו, the Torah tell us the principle on which it is based: “You are children to Hashem, your G-d.”
Someone who injures himself when his relative passes away is showing that he has nothing to live for, now that he lacks this relative. About this the Torah says, “You are children to Hashem, your G-d; you shall not cut yourselves.” How can you say your life is without meaning, when Your Creator Who loves you is so very close to you?
But for words of Torah that are lacking, this is permitted. When a person lacks words of Torah, his life indeed loses its significance, and he is even permitted to hurt himself as did R. Akiva. He surely needs to lament greatly over such a loss.
R. Akiva was not grieving of R. Eliezer’s demise. He was grieving over the loss of Torah.
Let Us Note How R. Akiva Wailed
Let us note how R. Akiva wailed and despaired of life over his loss of R. Eliezer HaGadol’s Torah, even though R. Akiva was himself the greatest of Tannaim. Surely should we – who are not Tannaim or Amoraim, not Rishonim or Acharonim – feel even greater distress over lacking the Beis Hamikdash. For if the Beis Hamikdash was standing then we, too, would truly and literally be Tannaim. This is because the primary cause of yeridas hadoros, the progressive decline in the spiritual level of the generations, is only the destruction of Beis Hamikdash and the ensuing Galus:
Her king and her ministers are [exiled] among the nations; there is no Torah.
If so, what a great and eternal calamity each one of us is in, for we lack our madreigah in Torah, due to the destruction of Beis Hamikdash. How intensely should we pray over its rebuilding!
Clearly, this level of Te fi l l a h is a very lofty one. This type of prayer is far above us.
But in fact, each one of us can touch it, at least a little, and utilize it in our davening. This doesn’t mean shouting and waving our arms around. It means inner shouting.
A person should know and understand that he is requesting something very important and urgent of Hashem; in the depths of his mind and the privacy of his heart, he should let out as great and awesome a shout as he is able. This is not such a hard thing, as anyone who tries it and accustoms himself to it will see.
R. Chaim of Volozhin wrote regarding Torah learning that one person can learn in an hour what another person learns in ten hours; everything depends on his level of zerizus. The same is true in Te fi l l a h. Let’s say a person experiences a moment of proper understanding and feeling, in which he realizes how vital his request of Hashem is, and he pours all his energ y into it for a few moments, praying “like crazy” for a life-and-death request – to attain closeness to Hashem. Or, if a very distressful situation befalls him, and he exerts himself in prayer greatly for a moment, pleading Hashem for help.
And all this is without any unusual movement that can be discerned from the outside. How precious and wonderful is this moment! In a short time, he can attain a very great closeness to Hashem, and gain many perceptions of ahavah and deveikus and siyata d’Shemaya.
When a person merits a moment like this, he should set it firmly in his heart and try with all his strength to reach it again, until it becomes habitual and second nature to him.
This way he will ascend higher and higher, as it is written:
They will follow Hashem, as a lion roars.
