Admitting Errors Demonstrates Greatness - An Important Lesson in General, and An Important Lesson in Relationships in Particular
The next part of the parsha begins with the pasukim: “And Moshe diligently inquired after the goat of the sin-offering, and behold, it was burnt and he was angry with Elazar and with Isamar, the sons of Aharon that were left, saying: Why have you not eaten the sin-offering in the place of the sanctuary, seeing it is most holy, and He has given it you to bear the iniquity of the congregation, to make atonement for them before Hashem.” (Vayikra 10:16-17)
This is a difficult parsha to understand. The Gemara (Zevachim 101b) explains what was going on over here: On that day of the inaugural setting up of the Mishkan, three korbonos were brought – (1) the goat of Rosh Chodesh; (2) the korban of Nachshon ben Aminadav (the first of the nessiyim, who each brought their own korban on each of the first twelve days of the Mishkan’s dedication); (3) a sin offering brought in conjunction with the inauguration of the Mishkan (chatas hamiluim).
The halachah is that an onen [a person who has just lost a close relative] is forbidden from eating kodshim [sacrificial meat]. Moshe Rabbeinu came to Aharon and said “Listen, Aharon, you and your sons are now onenim by virtue of the fact that you just lost you brothers and sons. An onen is normally forbidden to eat kodshim, but the Ribbono Shel Olam told me that this is an exception to the rule! In this situation, I am telling you in the name of Hashem that you may eat these korbonos, in spite of the fact that you are onenim.
Moshe Rabbeinu therefore expected that these three korbonos should all be eaten. Moshe noticed that one of these three offerings had not been consumed but was rather burnt – namely the goat of Rosh Chodesh. He therefore criticized his brother and nephews for this negligence: Aharon responded to Moshe that his own understanding was that this special exception that Hashem made only applied to the two special korbonos that were brought in conjunction with the inauguration of the Mishkan (namely korbonos #2 & #3 above). However, it should not apply to the standard goat of Rosh Chodesh offering, which was in no way connected with the inaugural service, but was merely brought on that day because the inauguration happened to coincide with Rosh Chodesh. Therefore, regarding that korbon, there was no exception, and since they were onenim, they felt it necessary to burn the korban rather than eat it.
In other words, Aharon was telling his younger brother “Rav Moshe, you are wrong. You made a mistake in your assumption!” That is the discussion that is going on between Aharon and Moshe.
The Torah comments: When Moshe heard Aharon’s argument, he was pleased (Vayikra 10:20). Rashi here, based on the Gemara in Zevachim cited above, comments “He admitted his mistake and was not embarrassed. He did not say ‘I never heard this,’ but rather ‘I heard this but made a mistake.'”
Rashi is saying that Moshe had a decision to make. He recognized that Aharon was right, and he was wrong. He could have said one of two things: He could have said, “Aharon, I didn’t hear that, I didn’t know that; but I hear what you are saying – it makes sense. I believe you are correct.” Moshe Rabbeinu did not say that. Rather, he said “Aharon, you are right, and I am wrong. I heard that and I forgot!” He admitted his mistake and was not embarrassed to do so.
Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz says that if any of us would be in that situation, our natural instinct would be to say, “I never heard that.” It is extremely hard to say the words “I heard that, and I forgot.” By saying those words, Moshe Rabbeinu was opening himself up to the charge that the entire Torah and our entire tradition could go down the drain! Once Moshe Rabbeinu said, “I heard that and I forgot” the immediate reaction might be “Well, what else did you forget?” By saying that, Moshe risked losing his credibility. People might ask “How can we ever trust you again?”
Moshe could have rationalized that he wasn’t protecting his ego, but rather he was trying to preserve the integrity of the entire Mesorah of Torah. And yet, he openly said, “I made a mistake.” There are no exceptions to the rule “Distance yourself from falsehood...” (Shemos 23:7) It took tremendous fortitude and strength of character for Moshe to say, “I heard it and I forgot!”
The sign of a true leader is the ability to say, “I made a mistake,” the ability to say, “I’m wrong,” the ability to say “I’m sorry.” This goes all the way back to Parshas Vayechi. When the pasuk says that Ya’akov Avinu chose Yehudah to become the monarch (Bereishis 49:8), the Targum Yonoson explains that Yehudah was chosen as the source of the monarchy because he had the character and integrity to admit by Tamar, “She is more righteous than I” (Bereishis 38:26).
When Rav Chaim Soloveitchik became the Rosh Yeshiva in Volozhin, he had a revolutionary way of analyzing Gemara’s which did not sit well with many of the “powers that be.” People claimed that the only reason Rav Chaim got his job was because he married the granddaughter of the Rosh Yeshiva, the Netziv (Rav Naftali Tzvi Yehudah Berlin). People claimed that he was really not fit to be given such a prominent role in the Yeshiva. So, they convened a Beis Din. Rav Chaim was asked to say a shiur in front of several of the Gedolim of 19th century European Jewry (including Reb Reuven Duenaburger, the Rabbi of Dvinsk, Reb Yitzhak Elchonon Spector, the Rabbi of Kovno, and Rav Yehoshua Yitzchok Shapira, known as Rav Eizele Charif).
Rav Chaim gave the shiur. It was a brilliant shiur, which wowed the entire Beis Medrash. In the middle of the shiur, Rav Chaim remembered that there was a Peirush HaRambam on the Mishnah somewhere that demolished the entire intellectual structure that he had constructed. He closed his Gemara and said, “I’m sorry I made a mistake. I am wrong” and sat down. Remember that this was his ‘Shabbas Proba’ (rabbinic audition) in front of some of the greatest Eastern European Rabbonim of the time. The Gedolim who were there proclaimed, “Rav Chaim is worthy to be the Rosh Yeshiva in Volozhin.” Someone who possesses such striving for truth that allows him to accept personal embarrassment in order to achieve the truth is qualified to become a Rosh Yeshiva. The capacity to say, “I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m wrong.” qualifies a person for the monarchy. It qualified Moshe to be Moshe Rabbeinu.
The above lesson is also very important when it comes to relationships, and especially marriage. It’s extremely difficult to say “I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m wrong”. However, sometimes one has to be able to do this. Sometimes a wife may ask her husband to make sure to come home early one day, or she may ask that he pick something up from the shops on the way home, or she may ask him to carry out a particular errand etc. etc. And sometimes the husband may forget. It’s important that a husband admits to his mistake and say “I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m wrong”, instead of pretending that his wife never told him.
Chazal say that: חתן דומה למלך – “A chosan is compared to a king”. As we showed above, a real leader, a real monarch, is able to admit to mistakes. Although the king status of a chosan is normally only given to him during the week of sheva berachos, there is no reason for him not to continue acting like a true king. If he starts demanding things from people then he may run into problems, however, in regard to the middah of being able to admit he made mistakes there is no reason for him not to continue. So, remember, if you ever end up in a fight with your wife, partner, friend etc. learn from Moshe Rabbeinu and don’t be scared to say “I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m wrong”. Trust me, you won’t lose out.
