How can we overcome anger?
The Chozeh of Lublin zt'l said that in public, such as at the workplace or in a beis medresh, people generally control their anger. They don't want to make a scene in front of others. The true test of anger is at home. The Chozeh, therefore, advises that before you enter your home in the morning and at night, make a kabbalah, a firm decision, that you will control your anger.
The Chozeh said that this is hinted in the words (Bamidbar 28:4) ואת בבקר תעשה אחד הכבש את הערבים בין תעשה השני הכבש, "One כבש you shall offer up in the morning, and the other כבש you shall offer up in the afternoon." Literally, כבש is a lamb, and the pasuk discusses the two daily korbanos tamid. The Chozeh says that כבש can also be translated to mean "to press down, to control." The pasuk alludes to the two times each day that a person is tested with anger. One is in the morning when he comes home from shacharis, and the second time is towards evening when he comes home from work. The Torah warns us that at these two times, כבש control your anger.
The Chasam Sofer zt'l says that every person has his boundary. He can be very rational regarding most matters, but when someone or something threatens his soft spot, he can act totally unreasonable. For some, their threshold is honor; for others, their limit is money; for others, it is jealousy or some other matter. They are fine, great people, but when their money is threatened (or whatever else is their boundary), they lose their minds and can do the most foolish things to protect themselves.
The pasuk states (Tehillim 147:14) גבולך השם ישביעך חטים חלב שלום, "Within your borders He makes peace; with the best of the wheat, He will sate you." The Chasam Sofer explains that the pasuk is saying that you should make שלום, peace, your boundary. The goal of peace should be so important to you that it should be your boundary, the place where you will act irrationally to attain it.
For example, logic tells you that this person did something wrong and that you have reason to be upset with him. But for the sake of peace, you think ridiculously, and you come up with all kinds of reasons why you can't be angry at him. You tell yourself, "He didn't mean it. He didn't do it." You tell yourself whatever you can because peace is so important to you; you refuse to think angry thoughts. And when you do so, ישביעך חיטים חלב, you will receive parnassah in abundance.
Story of Peace and Kiddush
I heard this story from a yungerman from Monsey, to whom this story occurred. I write it as he told it to me:
"I arrived at shul and found a Yid crying. I asked him why he was upset. He answered me that he had gotten divorced a few years before, and his son's bar mitzvah was that night, and he wasn't invited!
"I asked for the phone number of his former wife, he gave it to me, and I tried to convince her to invite her ex-husband to the bar mitzvah, but she refused.
"But then I had an idea: I told the father to make a bar mitzvah kiddush for his son on the Shabbos after the bar mitzvah. The father liked the idea. I spoke to the mother again, and she agreed (with certain conditions).
"I prepared a very large kiddush with delicious food. I spoke to the gabai of the beis medresh, and I told him the story, and about the grand kiddush I would be preparing. I said, 'Erev Shabbos, I will bring the kugels and the cholent.'
The gabai immediately replied, "You can't bring cholent. That is one of the takanos of the beis medresh."
"Why did you make this takanah?"
"The floor becomes very dirty, and we can't daven Minchah properly after a kiddush with cholent.'
"I replied, 'I will arrange for a goy to clean up the beis medresh. By minchah time, the beis medresh will be clean.'
"Shabbos morning, the gabai complained, 'Why did you make cholent? I told you that it is against the takanos!'
"I replied, 'You told me the problem is the mess. I hired a goy to clean up, so there won't be a mess in the beis medresh."
"No,' the gabai insisted. 'This is a takanah, and it cannot be changed.'"
