There are many messengers sent from on High, and often one of them is me. Many times I find myself in the role of giver. People ask me for something, wait for an eitzah from me, or expect me to help and support them. Sometimes we’re talking about an act, sometimes about a gift, and sometimes about a loan. How should I to react to these requests?
Rabbenu Bachyai directs us, in Shaar Habitachon (perek 4): “If someone of higher or lower status than him makes a request....” The person making the request could be greater than him in age, level, or status, and he could also be less than him. Sometimes, we are walking on the sidewalk and suddenly see a small child who wants to cross the street. In this case, the one making the request is “less than us.” The same request can come from an old man as well – a wise man, who is wary of crossing the street alone. This is a request that comes from someone who is “greater than us.” At home there are children who are under our jurisdiction, there is a spouse, and there are parents, baruch Hashem. In life we meet everyone – those who are “greater than” as well as those who are “less than.”
How do we respond to a Yid’s request? “He should try with all his heart to do what he asks, and he should be happy to fulfill it.” We should try to fulfill the request in the best way possible!
Let us look at the words of Rabbenu Bachyai. He doesn’t just tell us to do chessed and tzedakah, but rather to do whatever it takes to fulfill the request. His wording enlightens us regarding how to view all the chassadim that we are zocheh to do in our lives.
The Director of the world wants each one of us to receive his needs in the time that is right for him, and He alone chooses messengers to bring this about. After learning many sections of Shaar Habitachon, we’ve already gotten used to thinking that everything is min haShamayim, and we will not blame another person for the fact that he did not succeed in helping us. If someone hurt us, ruined things for us, or caused us harm, we’ll remember that this was from Hashem, and that person is only the messenger. If someone helped, assisted, or saved us, we’ll thank him as hakaras hatov for the goodness of his heart, because virtuous things are brought about through virtuous people, but we’ll remember to first thank Hashem yisbarach, the Navigator of all circumstances, Who enabled us to succeed through the hands of the one who was sent to assist us.
We should view the help that we extend to others in the same light: The Master of the world wanted to send Yankele someone to help him with some matter, and He chose me to fulfill this mission! What a zechus it is for me that the Creator chose me to be the channel through which he will receive benefit. We then approach the fulfillment of the request with the feeling that we are fulfilling a mission, with the understanding that we are part of a wondrous system that the King Himself arranged in order for some blessing to reach another Jew.
When all the members of the family learn Shaar Habitachon, we can hear the language of the Chovos Halevavos ringing through the house. The spouses tell each other “The Creator of the world chose me. I am so happy that I was chosen to fulfill this mission...,” and these could be daily missions – to serve a meal, to give tzedakah, to lend an item, to make things easier for someone who is ill, to give advice, to calm, to gladden, to teach, to arrange.... So many activities that we do within and outside the home include help and assistance to others, and they are all missions for the Master of all.
When someone asks for something, we need to remember that in essence it is not the child, neighbor, friend or customer who is making the request; it is Hashem Who is asking me to take part in a process that will bring the good to whomever it is meant to reach.
Rabbenu Bachyai adds, importantly, that one should fulfill the request “if the opportunity to do so is available to him,” meaning if it is within the normal range of hishtadlus to carry out the person’s request. If you’re in Yerushalayim, and someone asks you to bring him something he forgot in Tzfas, for example, that is not considered to be in the normal range of hishtadlus and exertion demanded of you.
We need to be honest with ourselves in order to identify whether the hishtadlus that is being asked of us is rational and proper, or whether it is something that is completely impractical. We should approach the matter with a warm heart and with a true desire to help, and we should do it happily. This is something that is inside a person’s heart. No one else sees or knows, but He Who discerns all concealed things sees how much we want and truly try to give, to help, and to support others!
May we be zocheh to be good messengers, to do good to the creations of the Omnipresent, with joy; amen.
