No Dogs Allowed
Two men are walking their dogs (a Doberman and a Chihuahua). They’re getting hungry and decide to grab a bite at a nearby restaurant. At the entrance of the door, a large sign reads: “NO DOGS ALLOWED.” The man with the Doberman says, “I know what to do, just follow my lead.” He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in. The waiter points to the sign and says, “I’m sorry sir, dogs are not allowed.” The man replies, “Oh, I’m blind, and this is my guide dog.” “A Doberman for a guide dog?” the suspicious waiter asks. “Yes, Dobermans are very loyal and protective. They’re born for the job,” replied the man. The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table. The second man throws on his sunglasses and walks in. The waiter tells him, “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs here.” The man says, “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m blind, and this is my guide dog.” “A Chihuahua for a guide dog?” the annoyed waiter asks. “A Chihuahua?” the man asks. “They gave me a Chihuahua?!”
The Most Useful Dog
One bright and early Sunday morning, my wife said to me, “Our dog is so smart. He’ll bring in the daily newspapers every single morning.” I reply, “It’s not that special. Many dogs do the same.” My wife responded, “But we aren’t subscribed to any newspapers!”
The ‘Genius’ Dog
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “Three lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while, he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, and then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What in blazes are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius, this you call a genius ... It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”
- Why are dogs terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.
- What kind of dog should you get if you’re always late? A watchdog!
- Why are skeletons afraid of dogs? Because dogs love bones.
- Why did the dog do so well in school? He was the teacher’s pet.
