I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.
I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years
I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
I’m sure wherever my Dad is: he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, ‘Hurry up!’ because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these people you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 37-year-old defendant, who hasn’t been named.
Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the GWB. Drivers are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
