The Passuk says: “An “Ish” from the family of Levi went and married the daughter of Levi” (i.e., Amram married Yocheved). Why doesn’t it say Amram’s or Yocheved’s name? An “Ish” is a Lashon of Chashivus, and a name is the uniqueness of a person. The Meforshim point out that by the story of Eliezer Eved Avraham getting a Shidduch for Yitzchok it never says his name, because his being: יִכֹנָא םָהָרְבַא דֶבֶﬠחיי שרה כד לד “the Eved (slave) of Avraham”, dominated his uniqueness as a person; he was M'vatel himself to his master as if he didn’t exist.
We can suggest that when Amram went to marry Yocheved, it was a major act of Chashivus which dominated his person. His personal self didn’t matter; his Chashivus dominated him, and sure enough, from this marriage came Moshe, upon whom they said: ˃ְמָשׂ יִמ שׁיִאְל וּניֵלָﬠ טֵפֹשְׁו רַשׂ די ב who appointed you to be an “Ish” (important person), i.e., “Who do you think you are, that you act like you’re running the world?”
Before Becoming an Anav You Have to Be Aware of Your Chashivus
The true “Ish” is a person who can humble himself, like the Chovos Halvavos says in Shaar HaK'niya that before you can be an Anav you have to be aware of your Chashivus, or else you’re like a humble B'heima, like it says: ָהְושׁיִא דֹאְמ וָנָﬠ הֶשׁמ בהעלותך יב ג the Chashuva “Ish”, Moshe, was extremely humble. Amram married Yocheved for a second time, since his baby daughter, Miriam, told him that by divorcing Yocheved (to prevent Paroh’s killing the baby boys) he was worse than Paroh. She told him to remarry, so at least we’ll have girls. He was a true “Ish”, who despite being the Gadol HaDor, he still listened to his tiny daughter, Miriam. And he married: יִוֵל תַבּ the daughter of Levi. Her very self was Battel (nullified) to her great nobility of being the daughter of Levi himself. Amram means Romemus, and Yocheved means Kavod for Shamayim. Perhaps we can suggest that these names signify two types of dignity; 1. the dignity of being your noble self (Amram), and 2. the dignity where you are total Battel (nullified) to what you are doing (i.e., Kavod Shamayim, Yocheved).
A Lot of Sinas Chinam Comes from Not Appreciating one's Own Maalos
We can say that the reason why Yaakov showed each Shevet his unique Ma'ala was because by Yosef it says: ויָחֶא וֹב וּאְנַקְיַו לז יא his brothers were jealous of him; i.e., you have Kin'ah when you don’t know your own Ma'ala and don’t appreciate yourself. So right after the tragedy of: ְמ ִכ ַרי וֹי ת ֵס ף selling Yosef for a slave, we have Yaakov stressing how a person must know his own strengths.
A Yungerman was terribly jealous of his brother, who was much more accomplished in his family situation and position. I told him to focus on where HE is superior, albeit that even a Baal Yissurim can be more Chashuv, since: תֶא ַחיִכוֹי 'ה בַהֱאֶי רֶשֲׁא משלי ג יב Hashem gives Yissurim to the person He loves. He did this for a week, and now he can even look down at this brother. Now they both feel very comfortable with each other.
Chazal say: ָא ָד ָק םרוֹ ֵא ב ֶצ ַﬠ ל ְצמוֹ א י ןירדהנס you are your own relative; i.e., don’t forget to love yourself first, or else you will have all kinds of complications and jealousies. With the Brachos that Yaakov gave his sons, he was teaching them to love their own unique qualities. This is a job for all of us.
The Mashgiach, R' Nosson Wachtfogel Zatzal once told somebody with a warm, soft voice: “Be a father to your child” (and the same with being a real mother, son, and daughter). Even if they don’t do their part, you have to do yours. Like Eisav, about whom Yaakov said that he doesn’t act like a brother, and yet we are commanded: ˃יִחָא יִכּ יִמֹדֲא בֵﬠַתְת אֹל הוּא תצא כג ח Do not reject the Edomi, since he is your brother. And Avraham Avinu took care of Terach, although his father got him thrown into the: ִכּ ְב ָשׁ ָה ן ֵאש fiery furnace because of his revolution against idols.
No Giving Mussar or Criticizing Others!
And Miriam is always called plain: חֲא וֹוֹת sister of Moshe. She was a true sister, who was the cause of Moshe’s very existence. And: חֲא בַצַּתֵתַּווֹחָרֵמ וֹת וֹק ב ד she stood from afar to watch what would happen to him. She remained his loyal sister and was worried about him when he was in the: ֵתּ ָביה basket in the Nile River. And surely, she was being a caring sister when she complained that he was neglecting his wife; this was clearly L'shem Shamayim and for his benefit.
R' Yosef Leib Bloch Zatzal says that the reason why Yosef spoke Lashon Hara about his brothers was because he wanted them to become great like he was. We learn from Miriam and Yosef that even if you’re L'shem Shamayim, beware of criticizing others.
There was a major family Machlokes, and 4 men and 4 women from the family came to see R' Matisyahu Salomon Zatzal. He said that nobody should tell another to make sure to do what he’s supposed to do! Normally, this is viewed as criticism and causes Machlokes. You do what YOU have to do, and learn to be: וֹס ֵב ל tolerate other people who aren’t as perfect as you want them to be. But no giving Mussar to others!
