Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum tells a great story about how far one should go to avoid shaming someone. The Rebbe Reb Heshel of Krakow was engaged to the daughter of a wealthy man who promised to support the young genius so he could devote all his time to his studies. Shortly before the wedding, Reb Heshel and his parents visited his kallah’s town. As they neared her house, Reb Heshel saw the young woman busily preparing a gourmet meal for her hattan and his family. Suddenly, a chicken hopped on the table and ruined the food.
Quickly Ran to a Nearby Shul
Not realizing she was being watched, the distraught young woman grabbed the chicken and hit it against the wall. Rav Heshel was stunned and decided he could not marry a person with such character. However, he could not embarrass her family by breaking the engagement so close to the wedding. Thinking quickly, Reb Heshel ran to the nearby shul, leaving his parents perplexed. In shul, he clumsily began banging on the sedakah pushka connected to the wall, trying to open it.
A few people recognized the young hattan and quickly ran to the prospective father-in-law and related that they had seen the young man trying to steal from the pushka. The man was furious and immediately informed his daughter that her groom was a thief. The family decided to break the engagement. Later, when Reb Heshel’s father asked him why he had done such a thing, the young man told his father what he had seen and why he could not marry the young woman. He had decided to take the embarrassment himself rather than embarrass the kallah and her family.
Reprinted from the Parashat Vayigash email of the Jersey Shore Torah Bulletin.
