R’ Michal Yehudah Lefkovitz zt”l (Darchei Chaim, Vol. 1, pg. 101) ruled for someone who owned a gemach and wanted to know who he should lend money to, that he should lend money to those who need it for making a chasunah, or to those who have a plan of how to pay back. However, for someone who goes from one gemach to the next without a concrete plan of how to pay back, he shouldn’t give him a loan, as it is a stumbling block for him. If the owner of the gemach wants, he can give him a donation, but he shouldn’t lend him money from the gemach itself.
R’ Chaim Kanievsky zt”l also held that for marrying off children it is forbidden to take a loan upon oneself, if he doesn’t know at the time of receiving it how he will pay back, and it is forbidden to rely on miracles.
On the other hand, they asked R’ Aharon Leib Steinman zt”l if it is incumbent upon the father to run from one gemach to the next to be able to marry off children, and he answered: One should be prepared to take debts upon himself and Hashem will help. The parnosah of Bnei Torah, and especially marrying off children is a miracle beyond nature, and one can to some extent rely on miracles. He then added, one should take “a bit more” than what he is able to afford.
Is A Father Obligated to Go Knocking on Doors?
I heard in the name of R’ Nosson Kopshitz shlita, and R’ Binyomin Garbuz shlita that strictly speaking, if one doesn’t have the money, he isn’t obligated to travel to Chutz La’aretz to find generous donors, however, if one is able to, it is fitting and correct to do so. It is no worse than all other mitzvos where one must do the appropriate hishtadlus to be able to carry it out, and it is no worse than a tzedokah fund which goes around to collect money for orphans.
However, I heard in the name of other gedolei hora’ah that it depends very much on the make-up of the father. If he is the type of person who normally does such things and is happy to go around collecting money, then he is obligated to do so, however, if he is embarrassed and scared to do such a thing, then we can’t obligate him to do so. This normally depends on who the father associates himself with, and what type of family background he has.
The Pele Yo’etz (Erech Bas) writes: One should go around collecting money, in order to be able to marry off his daughter to a talmid chocham.
Is One Making Himself a Burden on The Community (מפיל עצמו על הציבור ), If He Promises His Child an Apartment and Doesn’t Have the Means to Do So?
R’ Shmuel HaLevi Wosner (Shu”t Shevet HaLevi, Vol. 9, siman 202) writes: In regard to Hilchos Tzedokah there is no obligation to buy an apartment, as the Gemara only mentions “renting” a house. Even if you will argue that buying an apartment is included in, די מחסורו – “providing a poor person with what he needs”, as without an apartment there is no shidduch, one can still buy a cheap apartment far from the city center, and there is no obligation to provide for a poor person the same thing that one would give a rich person, as is clear from the Meiri (Kesubos 67b): שכל מה שנותנים לו הוא בצמצום גדול- “That which we give him is done exactingly and we don’t give extras.”
He concludes: If, however, the shidduch won’t go through as they want an apartment in a central city, then once again it becomes די מחסורו – “providing a poor person with what he needs”.
[This Teshuvah was written 31 years ago, on erev Shabbos Parshas Toldos 5754, between then and today there has been drastic changes in property prices, and today making a shidduch without promising an apartment has become more accepted, and therefore, it may no longer be considered .די מחסורו]
The Shu”t Minchas Yitzchak (8:72) writes: There is no need to donate money except for the basic necessities, and a fancy apartment is not considered a basic necessity. However, he adds: Sometimes living in a chareidi neighborhood is considered a basic need.
R’ Menashe Klein (Kuntros Pa’amei Yaakov, Vol. 67, pg. 167) speaks about this at length and he concludes: For a chosson who is an am ha’aretz [ignoramus] it is forbidden to obligate oneself and to give more than the basic needs for the chasunah, and it is forbidden to collect tzedokah from the community - doing so is stealing from the public. However, to marry off a daughter to a talmud chochom, even though one could marry off his daughter to a simple boy for less money, he is allowed to obligate himself to pay more, and ask for tzedokah to be able to do so!!!
