Lashon Hara Dilemma
QUESTION
My whole family got together for a Chanukah party at my parents’ house. My siblings and I were all there with our kids, and as always happens when we’re together, everyone was telling funny childhood stories. My younger brother said, “Wait! I have the best story! Remember when we were in high school, and we wanted to go up to the country for Shabbos, but we couldn’t get a ride?” I sure did remember. We hitchhiked. Then we snuck onto a bus without paying. I certainly didn’t want my children to hear this story. “Let’s not go there,” I said. “It wasn’t our best moment. Anyway, I think it’s loshon hora.” My brother didn’t tell the story, but he also insisted that it wasn’t loshon hora because he was also in the story and didn’t look any better than I did. Was he right? — Chanan
ANSWER
Chanan’s brother has the mistaken idea that if he looks just as bad in the story as Chanan does, it’s not loshon hora. However, this is not a consideration in halachah. If the story makes the other person look bad, if he’s embarrassed, or his reputation is damaged by the information, the story is loshon hora. A person is not allowed to tell a negative story about himself if it also reflects badly on other people who were involved in the episode.
RABBI NACHUM SCHEINER
