The Mitzvah of Giving Sivloinus
The Mishnah in Pesachim (49a) teaches: ההולך לשחוט את פסחו ולמול את בנו ולאכול סעודת אירוסין בבית חמיו ונזכר שיש לו חמץ בתוך ביתו – “One who is on the way to shecht a korban Pesach, to perform a bris milah for his son, or to eat at a seudas erusin at his fathers-in-law’s house, and he then remembers that he has chometz in his house...”. Rashi (d.h. seudah shniya) explains: כך הוא דרך החתנים לאחר סעודת אירוסין חוזר ומשגר סבלונות לארוסתו וסועד שם – “This is the way of chasanim, that after the seudas erusin, they then send gifts to their betrothed (kallah) and have a meal there.” The Meiri adds: אחרי האירוסין לזמן אחר חוזר לבית חמיו עם סבלונות ועושין לו סעודה לרגל הסבלונות ונחשב סעודת מצוה שכל שהוא נעשה לחיבת אירוסין מצוה היא – “Some time after the erusin, the chosson goes to his future father-in-law’s house with gifts, and a special seudah is made in honor of this, and this seudah is considered a seudas mitzvah as anything done for the sake of making the erusin more enjoyable is considered a mitzvah.”
The Meiri cites the Yerushalmi (Pesachim 3:7) which says: בא וראה מה גדול הוא השלום שהוקש לשני דברים וכו' – “Come and see how great peace is, that we equate this to two other things etc.” The Korban Eidah explains that we see how important peace is, as we compare eating at the סעודת אירוסין בבית חמיו – the special meal made when sending gifts, to the mitzvah of shechting the korban Pesach and bris milah.
The Maharam Mintz (Shu”t siman 109, hago’as ois 43), Elyah Rabbah (555:1) and the sefer Noheg Katzoin Yosef bring that in Ashkenaz they had the minhag to have this seudah, and the chosson would send gifts to the kallah with an agent, and because of the gifts it was considered a seudas mitzvah. The source for this is the aforementioned Gemara in Pesachim.
We see from the above that the idea behind the סעודת אירוסין בבית חמיו and the sivloinus are to create a special closeness between the chosson and kallah and the family, therefore, they are considered a mitzvah and the seudah is considered a seudas mitzvah, as it helps them desire to perform the mitzvah of nissuin.
The Minhag to Make a Seudah In Honor of the Sivloinus
It is brought down in the Magen Avraham (444:9); Beis Hillel (Even HaEzer 35:1); Beis Shmuel (s.k. 2) and Shulchan HaEzer (Vol. 2, pg.14, 3): שבשעת קבלת הסבלונות נוהגים לעשות סעודת קנין [-תנאים] זמן רב קודם החתונה. ובמקצת מקומות נהגו לעשות סעודה זו בלילה שקודם הנישואין – “At the time of receiving the special gifts (sivloinus), the custom was to make a seudas kinyan [tanoim/engagement] a long time before the actual chasunah. In some places they have the custom that they do this seudah the night before the chasunah.”
However, the sefer Ezer MiKodesh (hashmotas to siman 35) writes, that we don’t have the custom to make this seudah. The Sdei Chemed (Ma’areches Chosson V’Kallah, ois 24) also brings that he wanted to cancel this seudah due to the many stumbling blocks it creates.
The Klausenberger Rebbe (Shefa Chaim, Nissuin pg. 50, and Shu”t Divrei Yatziv likkutim siman 124) writes that based on the above: It is fitting to give the gifts before the seudah, immediately after reading the tanoim, in order to turn it into a seudas sivloinus, as if it is just a simple seudas shidduchim v’erusin [meal celebrating the engagement], the Mishnah Berurah (249:8) concludes that it’s not considered a seudas mitzvah.
The Magen Avraham rules l’halachah in a number of places, that if sivloinus are given then it becomes a seudas mitzvah, however, if they are not, then it isn’t. This makes a number of differences in halachah: 1) Hilchos Pesach (444:9) – Is it permissible to eat this seudah close to Shabbos, or close to Pesach? 2) Hilchos Succah (640:13) – May one eat this seudah outside the succah if there is not enough space inside the succah? 3) Hilchos Tisha B’Av (558:1) – Is one allowed to eat meat, drink wine, and have musical instruments playing at such a seudah taking place on the night and during the day of the 10th of Av?
