It states in the Parashah (2:15) ְּנֵיִפמ ֶהׁמֹש ַחוַיִּבְרֵרַבְּאה ַלע ֶבׁוַיֵּש ִדְיָןמ ֶץֶרבְּא ֶבׁוַיֵּש ַרְעֹהפ, "And Moshe fled from before Pharaoh. He stayed in the land of Midyan, and he sat down by a well." What is the significance of being near a well?
Rashi writes, "[Moshe] learned from Yaakov who found his shidduch by the באר, by a well." Moshe went to the well to find his shidduch, and indeed, he found his shidduch near the well. Yisro's daughters came to the well to draw water for their sheep, and Moshe helped them give them water. This eventually led to his marriage to Tziporah, Yisro's daughter.
The Midrash (Shemos Rabba 1:32) states, "Moshe Rabbeinu followed in the ways of the Avos. Three received their shidduch by the well: Yitzchak, Yaakov, and Moshe. By Yitzchak, it states (Bereishis 24:62) ֵרבְּא ִבּוֹאמ בָּא ָקוְיִצְחִירֹא ַיַחל, "Yitzchak was on his way, coming from the well Lachai-Roi," and that is where he met with Rivkah. Also, Eliezer found Rivkah by a well.
About Yaakov it states (Bereishis 29:2) ִנֵּהוְה וַיַּרְאֶהָדּׂבַּש ֵרבְא, "He looked, and behold! a well was in the field." At this well, he met Rachel. About Moshe it statesֵרַבְּאה ַלע ֶבׁוַיֵּש, "He sat down by the well."
Why are wells mesugal for finding shidduchim?
To answer this question, Reb Yonason Binyamin Weiss Shlita, Rav of Montreal, quotes a lesson from the Gidulei Tahara. The Gidulei Tahara ('ב שאלה ספרו בסוף ת"שו) notes that the Torah mentions two types of mikvahs: one is a ְיָןַעמ, spring, and the other is a בוֹר, a pit filled with water. As it states (Vayikra 11:36) ַיִםמ ְוֵהִקמ וּבוֹר ְיָןַעמ ַ ךְא, "only a spring, or a pit of gathered water..." The third type of mikvah, which is discussed in Chazal, is the ֵרבְא, a well.
Aְיָןַעמ, a spring, came into existence without the involvement of man. A spring spurts naturally from the earth, flowing and forming its path through mountains or fields. Both the water and its location are from heaven, without man's involvement and interference.
In contrast, the בוֹר, a pit filled with water, is manmade. The pit was dug by a human being, and the water was directed into the pit by a human. So, both the water and the location are due to man's intervention.
The third form of water is aֵרבְּא, a well. Gidulei Taharah explains that the ֵרבְּא is a hybrid of the two above-mentioned water sources. The water from a well comes from heaven without the hand of man. It comes forth from underground without human intervention. However, the pool which holds the water is the work of man. This is because the water comes up on its own, naturally, but a human being widened the area where the water gathers to make it into a usable pool.
So, aְיָןַעמ, a spring, is entirely from heaven, and a בוֹר, a pit filled with water, is the work of man, and the ֵרבְּא, a well, is a combination of both.
Based on this lesson from the Gidulei Taharah, Reb Y. B. Weiss Shlita explains that we can now understand why the Avos hakedoshim and Moshe Rabbeinu found their shidduchim by aֵרבְּא, a well. This is because a shidduch is from Hashem, but a person must make hishtadlus. Like a well, it is from Hashem, with a person doing his part.
Heaven decrees לפלוני פלוני בת, that this woman should marry this man. Hashem also decrees on which day this shidduch should occur, and at which location. Furthermore, Hashem arranges all the steps needed to enable the shidduch to transpire. Nevertheless, each person must do his share of hishtadlus. This is like the ֵרבְּא, the well. It is from heaven, but human intervention is also needed. Hishtadlus is also required.
With this explanation, Reb Weiss adds a wonderful explanation on the pasuk (Yirmiyahu 2:13) ְצֹבַחל ַיִּיםח ַיִםמ ְקוֹרמ ָזְבוּע ִיאֹת ִּיַמע ָהָׂשע ָעוֹתר ַּיִםְׁתש כִּיָּיִםַמה יָכִ לוּ לֹא ֶרֲׁשא ְׁבָּרִיםנִש בֹּארֹת בֹּארוֹת ֶםָהל, "For My people have committed two evils; they have forsaken Me, the spring of living waters, to dig for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that do not hold water."
It is written בֹּארֹת (wells), but it is read בּוֹרֹות (pits). The navi is asking why did you leave the source of aֵרבְּא, which is from heaven, and instead, you chose בּוֹר, pit, which means you want to do everything alone – thinking that everything is dependent on you.
The Midrash (Bereishis Rabba 68:4) states, "A princess (מטרונא) asked Reb Yosi ben Chalafta, 'How many days did it take for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to create the world?' Reb Yosi replied that Hashem created the world in six days. She asked, 'What does Hashem do from then until today?' Reb Yosi replied לפלוני פלוני של בתו ,זיווגים ומזווג יושב הוא ברוך הקדוש, 'Hakadosh Baruch Hu sits and arranges shidduchim...'"
This Midrash needs explanation because there are so many things that Hashem does from creation until today, aside from shidduchim. Everything that happens in the world is from Hashem. The entire creation is created anew every day, and even at every moment. Furthermore, everything that occurs in the world is by Hashem's hashgachah.
So, why did the princess ask, "What does Hashem do from creation until today?" What type of question is that? Hashem does everything! Everything we see happening in the world is from Hashem!
Also, why didn't Reb Yosi tell her that? Why did he only tell her that Hashem makes shidduchim?
Reb Binyamin Mendelsohn, zt'l, the Rav of Komemius, answers that the princess knew that Reb Yosi believes that Hashem does everything. Her question was, "What does Hashem do after creation that from there, we can prove that it was from Hashem and that it wasn't a natural occurrence?" Reb Yosi told her that the answer is shidduchim. In the realm of shidduchim, one sees clearly לאיש אשה 'מה, that the shidduch was arranged in heaven. The greatest wonders are found by shidduchim.
When the princess heard Reb Yosi's answer, that Hashem makes shidduchim, she replied, "I can make a thousand shidduchim in one day." She claimed that we don't see Hashem's hashgachah in shidduchim. She considered shidduchim a natural occurrence, something that even she could do.
Reb Yosi was silent and left. He didn't answer her.
The princess took a thousand of her male slaves and a thousand of her female slaves, and she paired them up. "You marry her, and you marry her," etc.
In the morning, all these slaves returned to the princess, complaining that they didn’t want the spouse she gave them. One was wounded on the head, one had a wound on the leg, and so on. None of the shidduchim succeeded. The princess told Reb Yosi what happened. She said, "There is no G-d like your G-d. Your Torah is true. You spoke correctly."
Reb Yosi replied, "I told you. Although you think it is a simple matter, it is hard before Hakadosh Baruch Hu like splitting the Yam Suf..."
She discovered that shidduchim are not made by natural means, but rather entirely by Hashem's hashgachah. If you want to find Hashem in the world in a manner that leaves no doubts, it can be found in the realm of shidduchim.
Let us think about this story: This מטרונא, princess, didn’t lack money. She was undoubtedly fabulously wealthy if she had a thousand male and a thousand female servants. So, she likely didn't spare any expense when she tried to prove she could make shidduchim. She probably hired the best shadchanim, coaches, and human nature experts to help set up the most-suited matches. Yet, from the thousand shidduchim, not one of them lasted a day. She discovered that without Hashem's plan and help, a shidduch cannot succeed.
When we seek shidduchim and ask advice from experts and wise people, remember that even when it seems like an amazingly suited shidduch, it won't work if it wasn't decreed in heaven. There are also shidduchim that seem very distant from being suitable, but such a shidduch might happen, if that is Hashem's decree.
