Source from the Gemara
The Gemara in Kiddushin (29a, and 30b) teaches:
האב חייב בבנו למולו, ולפדותו, וללמדו תורה, ולהשיאו אשה... דכתיב (ירמיהו כט ו) קחו נשים והולידו בנים ובנות וקחו לבניכם נשים ואת בנותיכם תנו לאנשים. בשלמא בנו בידו, אלא בתו בידו היא הכי קאמר להו ניתן לה מידי ולבשייה ונכסייה, כי היכי דקפצו עלה אינשי.
“A father is obligated to perform a bris milah for his son, redeem him (pidyon haben), teach him Torah and to marry him off to a wife ... as it says (Yirmiyahu 29:6) “Take women and give birth to sons and daughters, and take for your sons women and your daughters give to men.” When it comes to a son this is easy as it is normal for a man to look for a wife, however, for a daughter what can be done? This is what it means: A father should give his daughter some money, dress her and provide her with clothing, so that men jump at the opportunity of being able to marry her.”
We see from this Gemara that there is an obligation for a father to provide his sons and daughters with the items needed “so that people jump for them”, i.e. want to marry them. (From the Gemara it seems that a father needs to provide more items for a daughter than for a son.)
If a Father Has the Means, How Much is He Obligated to Give?
We saw that a father is obligated to marry off his daughters, the question is, in a case where the father has the means, how much is he obligated to give? Is he required to buy an apartment and all the extras, or is he simply obligated to pay for the basic expenses of the chasunah?
Similarly, there is room to question, if a father doesn’t have the means, how much is he allowed to promise before he should be worried about becoming a burden on the community?
The Gemara says: ניתן לה מידי ולבשייה ונכסייה, כי היכי דקפצו עלה אינשי - “A father should give his daughter some money, dress her and provide her with clothing, so that men jump at the opportunity of being able to marry her”, the Gemara makes no mention of buying her an apartment, and providing her with all the extras that she wants.
Similarly, the Gemara (Kesubos 67a) and ruled in Tur and Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 57:1, and Hilchos Tzedokah, Yoreh Deah 250:2) says: המשיא את בתו סתם לא יפחות לה מחמשים זוז – “If one marries off his daughter without any conditions attached – he shouldn’t give her less than fifty zuz”, which is not such a large amount of money, and certainly is nothing like what is expected today, where people expect an apartment and extras.
The HaMakneh (Kuntros Achron, siman 58) and Pnei Yehoshua (Kesubos 67a) explain that 50 zuz is because it is clear in Mishnayos Pe’ah (8:9): שבחמישים זוז נושאים ונותנים וראוי להתפרנס מהם – “50 zuz is enough to carry out business transactions with, and is enough money to earn a livelihood with”.
Marrying for Money
Question: When choosing a shidduch, should one choose one option over the other because they are offering more money, or should the main thing one looks at be Torah, yiras Shomayim, and good middos, and he should rely on the fact that the money will come from Shomayim?
Answer: The Rema (Even HaEzer 2:1) writes: “Money that one takes for marrying a certain person isn’t ממון של יושר – straight money, and anyone who marries for this purpose is considered to be marrying for money. Rather, one should get married, and what he gets he should take with a good eye, and then he will be successful.”
The Chazon Ish (Kovetz Igros, Vol. 1, letter 167) writes about this: I don’t understand why people are overly particular about things that Chazal already warned about, it is clear from the Rema (Even HaEzer, siman 2): “That whatever they give one should take with a good eye”, and this mean whether one receives a little or a lot, “and if one does this he will be successful.”
