The unfortunate fact is that sometimes those closest to us, our spouses, children or friends, bear the brunt of our extreme behaviors and moods.
Although it may not have been our intention at first, a negative comment or harsh rebuke can sting – and doesn’t always retract easily.
How many times have we struggled to take back a comment we might have said to our spouses, our children, to a friend, to a parent, but later regretted?
The Dubno Maggid asks, Hashem forgave the meraglim and Klal Yisroel for their deeds, why were they still denied entrance into Eretz Yisroel?
Doesn’t repentance wipe the slate clean?
He answers with a parable that will make us mindful of everything we say.
Once a simple man became wealthy as his oldest daughter reached marriageable age. A matchmaker suggested two options. One, a prospective suitor whose parents were fabulously wealthy, but whose middos were somewhat lacking. The other, the son of a noted talmud chacham, a genuine scholar and yerei shamayim. If he chose the first one, all lavish expenses would Alternatively, by choosing the talmid chacham, he would have to assume that the wedding and living expenses would fall on him.
After a period of reflection, he chose the son of the Talmid chacham. But under two conditions – that the father buy his son a suit for the wedding, and just one piece of inexpensive jewelry for his daughter. It didn’t take long, but the answer came back: a resounding no.
The wealthy father of the girl was fit to be tied. “He cannot even fulfill this small condition?!? I am changing my mind; I will take the wealthy child for my daughter.” The shadchan convinced the prospective father-in-law of the folly of his ways and soon enough, the offer was extended to the talmid chacham once more. To everyone's surprise, the talmid chacham said, “I will not take this girl for my son. Not now, not ever.”
“But why?” asked the shadchan.
“At first I thought he was machshiv Torah, since he chose my son, but I soon saw that for the price of a suit and a piece of jewelry, he was willing to throw the whole match away, backing away from a life of Torah for his daughter. Such a man cannot possibly be machshiv the value of Torah.”
So too, even though Klal Yisroel begged forgiveness for their words, and were forgiven, their negative thoughts about Eretz Yisroel laid heavy in the air. Perhaps their wish to eat the fruit of Eretz Yisroel was all that remained; if that is the case, the Dubno Magid says, any land that has good fruit will do.
We must strive to speak and think well of everyone we know. Positivity brings love and ultimately this love will create the healthy environment we all need to grow. Let us think twice before uttering words that might be painful. And let us do all we can to see only good in our family and our friends. If we see this good in everyone, speaking lashon harah will be so much more difficult.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
