The Beis Yechezkel (Maamer Kedushas HaYodayim Vechush Hamishush ois 32) writes further: One who allows passing something from the hand of a woman to the hand of man, or sitting next to an ervah, is not acting with chasidus. Certainly, if one benefits from it then it’s strictly forbidden, not just because of chasidus, but because of halachah. If one counts money and places the money directly into the hand of a woman or vice versa, with intention to benefit from it, even if one has lots of Torah and maasim tovim [good deeds] in his hands, he won’t be saved from gehenim (Maseches Kallah, Perek 1). The way to test if one benefits from such an act or not, is to determine if he prefers passing things to the hand of a woman more than he does to a man, or if he prefers sitting next to a woman more than a man, if the answer is yes, it’s a problem. However, even with all the above in mind, one must still be careful not to cause a chillul Hashem.
Even this is hard to determine, when to be careful about chillul Hashem and when not. Certainly, if one is acting against halachah he must be careful to avoid it, and at the same time not cause a chillul Hashem, however, in such a case one doesn’t need to be as worried what people think, as there is an issur involved. However, when it comes to acts of chasidus, it’s sometime better to forgo the pious act and be more worried about chillul Hashem and what people will think, then to carry out the act of chasidus. He writes that many chasidim have forgone acting with chasidus when amongst other people, to avoid making a chillul Hashem and sticking out.
He then writes: The general rule is, if it is something connected to the main part of mitzvah one must keep it, even if people are mocking, if, however, it’s not the main mitzvah and people are laughing then one should avoid it doing it (Mesilas Yeshorim, Perek 20). Each case needs to be worked out differently: In a case when one derives benefit, then according to halachah he must stand up on the bus, or place money on the table in the store and not pass it or receive it directly from the hand of a woman – and he shouldn’t be worried about scoffers. However, one should try and hide such acts as much as possible to avoid making a chillul Hashem, and having people laugh at him when it can easily be avoided.
He cites a moshul: For example, if one wants to stand up on a bus because a woman sat down next to him, he should get up and wait by the door and make it look like he is getting off at the next stop (or if he is in a store, he should hold his bag with two hands, so the woman will naturally place the money on the counter and not in his hand). One should use his wisdom. However, strictly speaking, if one is not trying to please his yetzer horah, it’s allowed, and one should be careful not to be overly stringent and then end up causing a chillul Hashem, which is very severe and only atoned for by death (Yoma 86).
