Dear Rabbi Gruen,
I'm involved in a case where I'm trying to help a lady with her marriage. She is doing amazingly and does whatever is in her power to support her husband and be there for him.
From hearing about the situation I understand that the husband has some mental health issues, due to anxiety and emotional regulation. He is a nice person and loves his wife very much, but, for example, in the area of finances, even though they have enough money to live on, if she buys an extra nosh for Shabbos, or a bag of lettuce, he flies off the handle.
He also has lots of social anxiety; he can't go to appointments on his own. He needs his wife to come to the doctor or dentist with him; otherwise, he will not go. And in general he loses it with her very often, yelling at her. Afterwards he apologizes but an hour later he hurts her again. He can't control himself. Throughout the day he's going into fight-or flight-mode.
This isn't because he wants to be nasty, but because of his anxieties and limitations. But there's a limit to how much she can work on her marriage on her own. We would like to suggest the husband goes for help to deal with his issues. How do you suggest she bring this up, given that we know he will fight it? In fact, he is very against his wife going for help.
Thank you so much! Looking forward to hearing your advice.
