In this week's parshah, one notices something interesting: Not one of the meraglim questioned the qualities of Eretz Yisrael. The land is "flowing with milk and honey," they clearly reported. There was just one issue: "The land that we passed through is ocheles es yoshveha, a land that consumes its inhabitants, and all the people we saw in it are anshei middos-men of stature."
The Vorker Rebbe zy"a explains that what they were saying was that in order to live in Eretz Yisrael, one needs to be a great person, always ascending in middos and avodas Hashem. Eretz Yisrael is a land that does not tolerate those who are content to "sit" (yosheiv) and stagnate. If one is not prepared to make the effort to grow, he won't remain in one place - rather, he'll fall. From their perspective this was simply a challenge too great for Klal Yisrael to face.
This explains Kalev's rhetoric that "aloh na'aleh-we can surely go up." Klal Yisrael is capable of meeting the challenge of living in Eretz Yisrael, he maintained. How? Not by turning overnight into anshei middos, but by working hard and slowly, gradually, strengthening their relationship with Hashem. Aloh na'aleh implies gradual changes that lead, eventually, to the goal.
Many are familiar with the advice of the Rambam, who writes that a person who wants to overcome a bad middah should go to the other extreme. This does not imply that one should make extreme, overnight changes, the Ya'avetz explains. Rather, what the Rambam means is that one should gradually move from one extreme to another and then, once the other extreme has been reached, he should make his way back to a balanced position.
There are many spouses who feel that their marriage demands that they put in constant, intense effort. These might be called "high-maintenance marriages" as they require a huge investment of effort to start working and keep working. There are also many marriages that could be called "low-maintenance marriages," where husband and wife feel very little friction in their relationship and naturally get along. Spouses in a high-maintenance marriage generally need support and advice that those in more easy-going relationships don't require.
Just as living in Eretz Yisrael involves more effort and even suffering than living in chutz l'Aretz, but the spiritual potential is correspondingly greater, so too is a marriage that involves effort and suffering rewarded in ways that lead to far greater fulfilment. And just as it can take time to reach Eretz Yisrael and settle in one's true place, so too with relationships — and it's a process worth investing in.
