Question: As a teacher, I often bring true-life examples, without mentioning names, of course. But if students dig deeply, they may uncover who the story is about. For example, I might say I attended a wedding this week and describe things I saw that bothered me — inappropriate dress, excessive investment in appearance, etc. Do I need to be concerned that the listeners will try to figure out whose wedding it was and therefore refrain from sharing such stories, even though they strengthen my chinuch messages?
Answer: The questioner is doing the right thing by adding illustrations to her educational messages, such as the negative phenomena she observed at a wedding, the blind pursuit of style while losing the balance of derech ha-Torah, and so on. She is allowed to share facts she saw personally and to criticize inappropriate behavior.
The teacher need not be concerned that curious students will figure out whom it’s about, and it then might be lashon hara. Even if the identity of the subject comes to light, the Chofetz Chaim ruled (Hilchos LHR 4:10) that there are circumstances when we may speak openly about a person’s negative behavior and explicitly warn others not to learn from him. Nevertheless, perhaps in this situation, for a number of reasons, it would be preferable not to give exact details. Instead of saying, “I attended a wedding this week,” say, “I was recently at a wedding.”
U FARATZTA
RABBI SHALOM BER MUNITZ
MISHMERET SHALOM
