A father comes to his son’s parent-teacher night and finds a list on the classroom door naming all the boys who have been singled out for “honorable mention.” And there’s his son’s name! After months of hard work, his son was finally seeing success! The father is delighted... until he notices another father perusing another list, the “Honor Roll,” where this man’s son is listed. “Of course, his son gets the top honors. Mine gets second-best.”
In less than three minutes, the boy’s three months of hard work is relegated to the “not quite good enough” file.
Another scenario: A young man receives a beautiful watch from his wife for his birthday. He wears it with pride, hoping that his friend might notice it when they sit next to each other at a wedding. Instead, he notices his friend’s watch – a high-end luxury brand. “Mine looks like junk compared to his,” the man thinks, as he self-consciously tugs his cuff down to cover the watch. In one quick moment, his wife’s six months of saving and hours of shopping for this loving tribute has turned into a source of embarrassment.
What went wrong in these situations? How can we retain our joy and gratitude for the gifts Hashem sends us when there’s always someone who has more?
The answer is in our eyes. Where are we looking when we take account of our situation in life? If we’re looking at our own experiences and possessions, we’ll always find a treasure. Family, health, food to eat and clothes to wear, friends, a home – each of us can feel like a millionaire, even if running our little empire entails many challenges.
But when we shift our gaze to someone else’s empire that seems bigger and better, our own blessings shrink in comparison. We don’t know what challenges the other person’s life entails, but we do know that we want what he has, because it seems a lot better than what we have.
This is the voice of envy, and envy is the enemy of peace. The antidote is bitachon – knowing that we have what Hashem deems perfect for us for the mission we are here to fulfill. We access tremendous joy when we count our own blessings, not someone else’s.
