They defamed the land that they spied out... “The land that we passed through to spy it out is a land that devours its inhabitants.” (Bemidbar 13:32)
“Devours its inhabitants” – [They said:] Every place we passed through, we found them burying the dead. However, Hakadosh Baruch Hu did it for their good, so the Canaanites would be occupied with mourning and not pay attention to the Spies. (Rashi)
This story of how the Meraglim defamed Eretz Yisrael teaches us an important principle about lashon hara.
Everything the Spies saw in the Land was done by Hakadosh Baruch Hu for their sake, for their own good. Hashem busied the Canaanites with burying people so they won’t notice the Meraglim walking around. How did the Meraglim interpret this? For the bad. They said it “is a land that devours its inhabitants.” In other words, it is a bad country where lots of people die. They did the same with the fabulous fruit of Eretz Yisrael; they put a negative spin on it. They said פירותיה משונים, “Its fruit is abnormal,” as Rashi explains.
This is what lashon hara does. It focuses on the bad and ignores the good. We find this idea expressed elsewhere as well. For instance, Chazal say:
No one knew how to speak lashon hara like Haman did.
Haman was the king of lashon hara. Chazal explain what he said about the Jewish people.
מפוזר – “Scattered.” The Jews are scattered among the nations of the world. מפורד – “Separated.” Lest you think there is some benefit from them, I am telling you that they are like a פרידה, a mule, which does not reproduce. ודתיהם שונות מכל עם – “And their laws are different from those of all peoples.” They don’t eat our food and they don’t intermarry. ואת דתי המלך אינם עושים – “And they do not keep the king’s laws.” The whole year long they say, “Today it’s Shabbos [so we don’t work]; today it’s Pesach [so we don’t work].” ולמלך אין שווה להניחם – “And it is not worthwhile for the king to maintain them.” When they eat and drink, they show disrespect to the kingdom. If a fly would fall into the cup [of wine] of a Jew, he would throw out the fly and drink the cup. But if your highness, the king, would touch the cup [of wine] of a Jew, he would spill on the floor and not drink it.
Haman spoke disparagingly about the mitzvos that the Jewish people do, and Chazal describe what he said as lashon hara.
But technically, everything he said was true. Lashon hara is, after all, when one says the truth, [because speaking falsehood is usually called motzi sheim ra, slander]. Haman said ישנו עם אחד – “There is one people.” This is true. He said that the Jews are scattered and separated among the nations. True. He said that their laws are different from those of other peoples. Again true. He said they don’t keep the king’s laws. Very true: when a Jew is asked to do something on Shabbos or Yom Tov, he simply won’t do it.
Parsha Topic: Think Good
And when Haman said, “It is not worthwhile for the king to maintain them,” this was Haman’s conclusion. It was not the actual lashon hara on which his conclusion was based.
The thing that is hard to understand is why Haman’s comments are defined as lashon hara at all. What was disparaging in what he said? Ostensibly, he showered praises on the Jews. It is good to be “one people.” Similarly, we readily admit that we are different from other peoples. We are not ashamed of that in the least.
If so, where do we find an element of lashon hara in what Haman said? What brought Chazal to crown him as the king of lashon hara?
Perhaps it was Haman’s claim that every time a Jew is asked to do something, he has an excuse, and says it is Shabbos today or it is Pesach today? This is all true, and we are proud of it, too, that we have such wonderful holidays and that we feel we are בני חורין, free men. Where is the lashon hara in it?
Yet, Chazal clearly say that no one knew how to speak lashon hara as effectively as Haman did. The explanation is as follows.
Focus is Everything
Everyone in the world has good points and not-so-good points. The question is what we focus on.
Sefer Chovos Halevavos describes the trait of humility, and explains that it entails seeing the other person as better than oneself:
If the other person is wiser than I am, I would say, “He fears G-d more than I do, thanks to his greater wisdom.” And if he has less wisdom that I do, I will say that his reckoning on the day of judgment will be lighter than mine, because I transgress knowingly, while he transgresses unknowingly. If he is older than me, I say that he has more merits than I do, because he came to the world before me. And if he is younger than me, I say that his sins are less than mine. If he is equal to me in age and wisdom, I say, “Perhaps his heart is more devoted to G-d than mine is, because I know the sins I have already committed, and I don’t know his.” In this way, I always honor the other person and show deference to him.
R. Yisrael Salanter asked how is it possible to live that way, with such thoughts? Is a person really expected to think that everyone is better than himself?
He answered based on the idea that a certain thing, a certain point that you see in the other person, makes an impression on you, and you naturally focus on that point.
Let’s say you see someone do a misdeed. And this someone is greater in Torah learning than you are. So you naturally conclude that he commits misdeeds deliberately, whereas if you commit a misdeed, you consider it unintentional. Why did you come to such a conclusion? Because he is a big talmid chacham and it is inappropriate for him to act in such a way. But you are not so learned, so it’s not so terrible if you do these things. Thus you naturally conclude that you are better than him.
Now let’s switch the scenario. You meet someone who is less learned than you are. You naturally conclude that you are better than him, because you are a much greater talmid chacham.
What happened? Why did your outlook change to just the opposite?
The answer is when you are a greater talmid chacham, that is the point that makes an impression on you, so you naturally focus on it. You push the other factor into the background. You don’t think about how his sins are unintentional and yours are deliberate.
The following allegory illustrates this point beautifully. Ten people grab hold of an elephant, and each one says something different about the object he is holding on to. One grabs hold of a leg and says, “It is a stick of wood.” Another grabs hold of a tooth and said, “It is a sword.”
Who is right? They are all right. It’s just a question of what you look at.
This is how lashon hara works, [and, by contrast, this is how the trait of humility works]. Every person has good points and not-so-good points. The question is what you concentrate on, what you give more weight to.
David Hamelech’s Lame and Blind Enemies
There is a wonderful example of this in Tanach.
David said on that day, “Whoever strikes a Jebusite... and the lame and the blind hated by David’s soul.”
The Commentators explain that in that period, the Philistines did not fear the Jewish people. Why? Because Avraham Avinu swore to Avimelech their predecessor that for four generations, Avraham’s descendants will not harm the Philistines. And there was an old man still alive who belonged to those four generations. As long as this man lived, the Philistines knew the Jewish people cannot harm them, so they allowed themselves to make fun of the Jewish people and of their holy forefathers.
To this end they made two statues, one of a lame man, to belittle Yaakov Avinu, who limped after his encounter with Eisav’s ruling angel. The second statue was of a blind man, to belittle Yitzchak, whose eyes dimmed in his old age. About these statutes it was said, “The lame and the blind hated by David’s soul.”
I don’t know why David Hamelech hated them, but I will tell you why I hate them.
I, too, learned Chumash, and even so, until I came to this verse in Sefer Shmuel, I never knew that Yaakov was lame and that Yitzchak was blind. I saw many blind people in the course of my life, and I also was aware of the teaching of Chazal that when Yitzchak was bound on the altar, at the Akeidah, the angels cried and their tears fell into his eyes, and as a result, he became blind in his old age. I knew all this. But I never realized that Yitzchak Avinu could be described as a “blind man.” I simply never pictured him this way.
Similarly, I knew that Yaakov wrestled with the angel and came out limping on his thigh. But when I saw a lame person in the street, I never associated this with Yaakov Avinu’s image.
Only when I saw this pasuk, that the Plishtim made fun of Yitzchak and Yaakov, Yitzchak because he was blind and Yaakov because he was lame – then I realized that this was indeed their nature, as seen from the perspective of the Philistines.
Now l ask you: weren’t the Plishtim right? Yitzchak surely was blind, and Yaakov surely limped.
However, only those “hated by David’s soul” would characterize Yitzchak and Yaakov that way, because it all depends on what you look at. You can look at Yitzchak Avinu or at Yaakov Avinu and say, “Astounding! He is one of the four legs holding up the Merkavah, the Heavenly Chariot!” Or you could look at Yaakov and say, “Oh, it’s just a limping man,” and at Yitzchak and say, “It’s just a blind man.” And no one can deny it is true.
This is lashon hara.
A Very Tidy Bridegroom
I will tell you a story that happened to me.
I once was acquainted with a certain chasan and kallah. The chasan was one of the cleanest and tidiest people I knew. I never saw a stain on his clothing. He was also remarkably refined of nature.
The day before the wedding, the kallah came to me, crying. She doesn’t know what to do, she just found out that the chasan is not what she thought...
What happened?
It turned out that the brother of the kallah, who was far from the Torah world, didn’t want his sister to marry a ben Torah. So he came to his sister and told her, “Do you want to know what kind of person your chasan is? Come and I will show you how he eats!”
Do you get the story?
Every person, if you catch him in the middle of a physical activity such as eating, is not going to look very refined and uplifted. Almost anyone, if you stand next to his kitchen window and watch him eat supper, will appear a bit unsavory.
This brother was not lying. He simply pointed to the person’s weak point and emphasized it, a point that most people have, if not all people. This typifies lashon hara.
Thus Chazal said Haman was the king of lashon hara. They meant that no one knew as well as he how to take the most beautiful thing there is and show its negative side. Speaking good means to see the good side. To see that the other person is wiser than me, or more refined of nature than me. Lashon hara means to grab hold of the weak point and say, “Look how disgusting!”
Let us learn to focus on the good in things we see and in people we encounter.
Amazingly Good
On a deeper level, people commonly think that כל דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד, “Whatever the Merciful One does is for the good,” means that even when Hashem punishes, in the end it will be for the good. It is worthwhile for a person to accept this punishment for whatever reason, for instance, that it will enable him to go to Olam Haba.
Let’s talk about this. After all, there is such a thing as Divine punishment. There is such a thing as Din.
The deeper understanding is that everything Hashem created in His world, including judgment and din, is amazingly for the good. Not that it brings something good in its wake, not that we can find some positive aspect in it, but that it really is good. This is something wondrous. There are two things here that contradict each other, but they both are true. It is bad and good at the same time.
This is why, in this world, we say Baruch Dayan Ha’emes on bad news. We don’t say Hatov vehaMeitiv, because it is an act of din. It is punishment. It is something bad; it is darkness. But at the same time, in a wondrous way, it is good!
As long as we can’t grasp this, we say Baruch Dayan Ha’emes. Because only in the future will it be revealed to us how Baruch Dayan Ha’emes itself is Hatov vehaMeitiv. It’s not that we were mistaken. We are right; something bad happened. It’s that the bad thing is, at the same time, something good. But we can’t grasp this here in this world.
When Moshe asked Hashem what Name to tell the Jewish people, Hashem said, “Do you wish to know My Name?” I have a lot of different modes of action. But I will tell you something that is the internal aspect, the root of everything: אהי־ה אשר אהי־ה. “I will be what I will be.”
In other words, the truth will be revealed in the future, and then you will understand how everything Hashem did is good. And Rashi explains how, in a certain sense, it is true even now. “‘I will be’ with them in this trouble.” All the troubles that Hashem brings upon a person are indeed troubles, but wondrously, with all the troubles, Hashem is here with him.
This is emunah.
