Our Job Is to Fulfill Our Mission
When a person internalizes this yesod, he receives so much chizuk—because he knows that there is a cheshbon for everything, and he can give thanks for the bad, knowing with certainty that a blissful end will follow.
Such a Yid always lives with a sense of mission, knowing that he has a task that was entrusted to him by HaKadosh Baruch Hu. “I am a part of this big picture, and a sacred mission must transpire through me!” Such a Yid experiences bittul and deveikus, knowing “I don’t know the Heavenly calculations, but my job is to carry out my mission with loyalty and faith!”
Every Yid is a Shaliach Mitzvah
The Chiddushei Harim (Parashas Shelach) quotes the timeless Midrash which says: “כדי נפשו ונותן מצוה לעשות שמשתלח כשליח הקב"ה לפני חביב לך אין בשליחותו שיצליח, there is no one more esteemed by HaKadosh Baruch Hu than the messenger who is sent to carry out a mitzvah and dedicates his life for the success of his mission.” Adds the Chiddushei Harim:
We see from this Midrash that every Yid who is mevatel himself to Hashem in carrying out his personal mission on this earth is designated as a shaliach mitzvah about whom we are assured that ניזוקין אינן מצוה שלוחי, emissaries for a mitzvah will not be hurt. He is constantly bateil to Hashem because he is His messenger, and the power of the sender is in his hands.
These Parents Carry a Special and Holy Mission
Parents who sadly find themselves in a situation with children who don’t follow the path of Yiddishkeit often say to themselves, “What is my mission?! There is nothing that I can do! There is no one to be mechanech, and there’s nothing I can do to help the situation. All I can do is to fulfill the dictate of Chazal: ‘שאינו דבר לומר שלא מצוה כך הנשמע דבר לומר שמצוה כשם נשמעת, just as it is a mitzvah to say something that will be heard and accepted, so too is it a mitzvah not to say something that will not be listened to....”
And yet, these parents must know that they do have a vital and sacred mission.
The Be’er Mayim Chaim’s Unbridled Love for a Wayward Son
There is an incredible teaching in Divrei Meir from Rebbe Meir’l of Premishlan (Parashas Toldos) where he asks—in the name of Rav Feivish of Brodzin— about the pasuk ‘בפיו ציד כי עשו את יצחק ויאהב’, and Yitzchak loved Esav for game was in his mouth. This begs understanding: Did Yitzchak really love his wayward son because he brought home delectable meat?! And even according to Chazal’s peshat that ציד refers to fooling his father through his pious questions... was Esav really able to fool such a kadosh as his father Yitzchak?!
Related Rav Feivish, “My Rebbe, the Be’er Mayim Chaim, had a son who, after becoming the son-in-law of the Apta Rav, left the path of Yiddishkeit, and the marriage was dissolved. And nevertheless, the Be’er Mayim Chaim supported his son in all his needs, with clothing, food, etc. The aggravation that his son must have caused him was indescribable—but he nevertheless provided for all his son’s needs.
Evoking HaKadosh Baruch Hu’s Boundless Love for All His Children
Every morning at dawn, when the tzaddik would wake to begin his regimen of exalted avodas Hashem, he would raise his eyes to the Heavens and cry out, “Ribbono shel Olam! Look down at what I do for my child! Even if he doesn’t follow the path of Torah and mitzvos, I nevertheless give him kindness and goodness—and I am a mere mortal who is limited in my compassion and goodness... but I do everything in my power to give goodness!
“You, our הרחמן אב, the Ultimate ומטיב טוב... surely it is proper that You should conduct Yourself in the same way with Your children, all of Your children. Even if they sometimes do the opposite of Your Will, please have compassion and impart only goodness and kindness to all of Klal Yisrael!”
A New Level in Fatherly Compassion
Through his incredible example, the Be’er Mayim Chaim has introduced us to an exalted level of בנים על אב כרחם, like the compassion of a father to his children—for in the normal course of life, there would be a limit to the love of parents. How can parents continue to love a child who has betrayed everything that they have sought to imbue in him?
But the Rebbe taught that even for wayward children, we must show complete compassion and love—and with this, he was able to come to the Ribbono shel Olam, pleading the case for Yiddishe kinder who have turned their backs on their Father in Heaven, R”l.
Yitzchak Will Be the Advocate
With this we can understand the Gemara that tells us, “When Mashiach will come, HaKadosh Baruch Hu will come to Avraham Avinu and say, ‘לי חטאו בניך, your children have sinned before Me,’ but Avraham Avinu will not be able to advocate for them. Hashem will come to Yaakov Avinu with the same complaint, and Yaakov will likewise not be an effective advocate. Then the Ribbono shel Olam will come to Yitzchak Avinu, and he will be able to advocate for the Jewish People.”
The mefarshim struggle to understand: How can it be that Yitzchak, who is known for his middas hagevurah, the attribute of strength, will precisely be the one who can advocate for the Yidden in spite of their sins?
Only Yitzchak Can Be the Champion
According to the words of Rebbe Meir’l of Premishlan, we can understand this very well. Yitzchak will be able to turn to Hashem and say, “I also had a wayward son, and I loved him wholeheartedly. So too, Ribbono shel Olam, have mercy on Your children even though they have sinned.”
Only Yitzchak will be in a position to say such words to the Ribbono shel Olam—and this is why בפיו ציד כי עשו אצ יצחק ויאהב, he loved him because through this love he will later be able to advocate for Klal Yisrael.
Compassion with Hope
In analyzing the words of the tzaddikim on this topic, we come to understand that there are two stages.
The first step is simple compassion: To have mercy and compassion on such a child and provide for all his needs. These neshamos endure a terrible Gehinnom in this world. It is mamash a rachmanus. They search wherever they can for something to soothe their pain, thinking that there is where they will find bliss—but the pain and the yissurim reaches to the Heavens. When parents exhibit compassion towards them, it is a great expression of rachmanus.
A father who is struggling terribly with this nisayon related to me that he opened an unlimited account in a restaurant, enabling his son to come in whenever he wanted to and eat to his heart’s content. He related that since that time, a tremendous closeness developed between them—with dormant feelings being awakened, all because the child felt provided for.
Loving All Our Children Evokes Love from HaKadosh Baruch Hu
When it comes to loving children who have turned their backs on Yiddishkeit, the first cheshbon is that through love and closeness they will eventually return, as the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh tells us in Parashas Toldos, that Yitzchak wanted to give Esav the berachos as a way of drawing him closer. Without love, nothing will work. This is an important consideration for loving such children.
But then there is another cheshbon: By expressing our love for these special children, by accepting the yissurim with silence and הכנעה—leaving it all to Hashem—we are fulfilling a very special mission! What is this mission? To impart kindness and love to this child, thereby awakening Heavenly compassion and love—בנים על אב כרחם—from Hashem to Klal Yisrael.
Because It Is My Mission
A parent who loves his wayward child unconditionally constantly says, “This is my shlichus in the current situation!” Will it help bring my child back? Will it enable me to see nachas from him? I don’t know. But this is my mission!
He remembers: “I’m not expressing kindness and compassion to this child because the experts told me that it will help. (It is possible that this is also a good reason to do so... because this may indeed bring him back. But this is not the main reason why I am providing all his needs). I am doing so because this is my תפקיד and mission from HaKadosh Baruch Hu—and I must continue to do so, no matter how difficult this sacred mission may be, and no matter how much pain and aggravation this child gives me. Because this is רחמים מעורר up above for Yiddishe kinder.”
