פרקי אבות
הימנו נוחה המקום רוח הימנו נוחה הבריות שרוח כל
Which Comes First?
Rabbi Chanina Ben Dosa teaches us, המקום רוח הימנו נוחה הבריות שרוח כל הימנו, נוחה a person whom the people feel favorable toward, the spirit of Hashem is likewise favorable toward him (Avos 3:10). They go together: If the people are pleased with a person, the Ribbono shel Olam, too, is satisfied with him.
The truth is that we can explain this Mishnah in one of two ways: The first is that this person seeks to satisfy Hashem, and the Mishnah is assuring us that an indication of Hashem’s satisfaction with him is that the people feel favorably toward him. The second is that his efforts are concentrated on the people. He seeks to be liked by people, and he is assured that if people are happy with him, then Hashem is also surely happy with him.
People Pleasing Isn’t Everything
When we analyze the Mishnah, it would seem that the latter is more accurate—for it begins with an emphasis on the הבריות. רוח The Mishnah seems to be telling us that what people are pleased with a person, Hashem will be satisfied as well. The Ribbono shel Olam will not be pleased with a person who managed to upset and anger people, even if he’s stringent and exacting in his personal avodah.
But this is a great mistake that people make in interpreting this Mishnah. Some people think that one can be lacking in his learning and davening... his avodas Hashem isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, but he’s popular.... He’s pleasant.... He’s part of every group.... He’s always at the forefront of things—as long as הבריות רוח is pleased with him, Hashem, too, is satisfied with him.
Conversely, people interpret the Mishnah to mean that those who are introverted and quiet, who are less social... even if they do serve Hashem properly... המקום רוח isn’t pleased by them.
This is the mistake that some people make in learning this Mishnah.
You Can’t Please All the People
But the Chovos HaLevavos (Sha’ar Yichud HaMa’aseh, Chapter 5) tells us otherwise: He explains that it cannot possibly be our stated aim to satisfy people—for a person may do many things to be liked, only to have his efforts fail. It’s out of our control. You can smile to people, and you may help people... but these efforts aren’t at all guaranteed to succeed in making you liked.
“Even if we were expressly commanded to please others,” says the Chovos HaLevavos, “how can we satisfy all the people of the generation when it is at times impossible to please even the members of our own household?”
How often do we get into altercations with our teenaged children—even if it wasn’t our intention. Is it then realistic to attempt to please all the people?! This certainly cannot be Chazal’s intention.
What People’s Approval Really Means
“Rather,” explains the Chovos HaLevavos, “one should invest in satisfying the desires of his Creator, and He will ensure that the person will be liked by the people, as it says אתו, ישלים אויביו גם איש דרכי ה' ברצות when Hashem favors a man’s ways, even his foes will make peace with him (Mishlei 16:7).” That is, if a person satisfies Hashem by performing His mitzvos, the Ribbono shel Olam will then perform a miracle and cause him to be liked by others. He continues, “If we see that all the creations, from small to big, praise and laud a person and his deeds, this indicates that the Ribbono shel Olam sowed for him seeds of love within their hearts and placed a good name for him upon their lips.”
“This is something that Hashem does not do for His foes, and it is thus great proof of Hashem’s desiring him. But for the pious person to make direct efforts for people to approve of him and his avodas Elokim is surely not the befitting him. Therefore, one should refrain from this (flattery and impressing others) and other temptations of the yetzer hara, for he strives to guide you down this path and ultimately entrap you into the trap of the חונף, the flatterer.”
The Positive Side of Tiferes
Let us understand the words of the Chovos HaLevavos a bit deeper. There’s a well-known concept of האלוקים, עשה זה לעומת זה Hashem created a balance between good and evil, and He awarded qualities to both sides in equal measure. They often mirror each other, and we may confuse one for the other because of this.
As it relates to the התפארת, מדת the attribute of beauty, there’s a good side to it, which is referenced in the Mishnah, and leads to being liked by Hashem and by people. And then there’s the kelipah side of תפארת. These are two very different things that may seem similar on a superficial level.
A good example of this זה) לעומת (זה is the difference between true joy and ליצנות, jesting. A superficial observer may confuse the two. He may think that the clown, the jester, is truly joyful. But nothing could be further from the truth. On the contrary, he may be so depressed that all his laughter and jests are a façade to remove some of the cloud of sadness that hovers over him. This person’s jokes are usually inappropriate and targeted at all the wrong things.... Conversely, joy is the essence of holiness—במקומו, וחדוה עוז might and joy are in His place (Divrei HaYamim 1- 16:27), we learn. One is the pinnacle of kedushah, while the other is at the precise opposite end of the spectrum. They couldn’t be more different—despite the superficial similarities.
“But He Was Well-Liked!”
So, too, it is with the matter of הימנו, נוחה הבריות רוח as well as the exhortation of Chazal ידך, על מתאהב שמים שם שיהא that the Name of Hashem should become beloved through you (Yoma 86a) and similar statements of Chazal in this vein:
There’s a side to this quality of being liked which is deeply holy—and we must aim for it. And then there’s an aspect that is similar to this one but which is terrible for us, and it causes us, chas v’shalom, to lose everything. A superficial observer may not catch the difference. He will say, “This person was so well liked!” This may be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a negative thing.
And in these words of the Chovos HaLevavos, we learn that the difference is in the intention: What is you intention, your striving? Is it to be נפש מוסר for the Ribbono shel Olam?! We know the overarching principle of המקום, לפני אחת שעה רשע יקרא ולא ימיו כל שוטה שיקרא לאדם לו מוטב it is preferable for a person to be called a fool for all his life rather than be called a rasha before Hashem for even one moment (Eduyos 5:6). This person is willing to sacrifice his money, his standing, his position, and everything that he has for the sake of bringing pleasure to Hashem. We did not come to This World to please people. Not at all. Our one and only goal is to bring pleasure to Hashem.
