The story is told of a son who was bored thereby irritating his father. To keep his son busy, the father decided to rip up a map of the world for him to construct back together. Expecting hours of silence from his son now that he would be busy, he was surprised when his son returned moments later with it all intact. The father watching in disbelief asked incredulously how he did it so quickly. The child responded that on the other side of the map there was a man. Once he put the man together, the pieces of the world fell into place. The lesson is clear and powerful- when we fix ourselves, we fix the world!
Attempting to change others doesn’t change them. Rather it is changing ourselves that makes them change. This may be by becoming a kinder person, through our writings and so on.
We see this with the greatest of our people as through changing themselves, they changed the world as they had an impact on others. Examples include Avraham, Moshe, etc.
An upset mother of a boy who veered off the path of Judaism (he would use foul language, sleep until the afternoon and so on) voiced her complaints to R’ Greenwald in Monsey, New York telling him that all her other children had prominent jobs in business or in the Torah world. R’ Greenwald’s advice to the mother was to love her son unconditionally, although it may be difficult, just as Hashem loves us even though we may sin and act improperly. Following this advice, the boy’s mother would prepare her son’s favorite foods when he awoke at three in the afternoon. She continued this daily although it was challenging. Eventually, the boy changed his ways. Today he is married with children and is the most devoted of all his siblings to his parents! So, the mother changed herself and that impacted her rebellious son to change. This story was told over by R’ Rietti at a seminar. After the seminar, a father who was rigid in his ways related to R’ Rietti the following. He had children who veered off the track of Judaism- now with earrings and the like. The father changed himself and began to love them unconditionally. One year later, he told R’ Rietti, that although his children were no closer to being religious than the previous year, no matter where they were on Friday night, they came to ask for a Bracha. Additionally, they would always ask their father for advice wherever they were (which they wouldn’t have done previously as they had a poor relationship).
It is said that the Chofetz Chaim desired to change the world but he saw that it was too much. He then sought to change his family but he realized that was also too much. Then he decided to just change himself. And because he did so, he changed his family, and then the world. In light of this, we can comprehend a deeper meaning in קשוט עצמך ואח"כ קשוט אחרים; correct yourself and then others. It can also be understood that through fixing yourself, you fix others.
