Finding One’s Soulmate
Rebbe Responsa | September 06, 2024
Print This Article
View Original PDF

Finding One’s Soulmate

Rebbe Responsa | June 19, 2025

Though Shiduchim are orchestrated by G-d one must search for his match; In most cases one’s zivug isn’t the one who comes at the first meeting; Don’t make a raffle

By the Grace of G-d
11th of Teveth, 5720
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Greeting and Blessing:

I am in receipt of your letter of the 3rd of Teveth, in which you write about your difficulties to find your right Zivug.
Since the Torah tells us that the matter of a Zivug is in general a complicated thing which only G-d through his individual Providence can accomplish, it is clear that in most cases the right Zivug is not the one which comes at the first meeting, and it often happens that a person has to go about in search of his right Zivug, "as one goes about searching for something he has lost," as our Sages say. For when one has lost something and looks for it and does not find it right away, he will not give it up but will continue his search. The same in the case of a Zivug. And when the first meeting does not materialize, it is no basis for discouragement, and certainly not for any misinterpretation that one has destroyed his chances, and the like.

It is written in the Torah "Thou shalt be whole-hearted with G-d, thy G-d.” This means that you should not go about trying your luck through לרוג. Besides, our Sages have said "One should not rely on miracles." Therefore, you should go about looking for your Zivug in the normal and natural way which is fitting for a Yeshiva-Bochur, and then G-d sends His blessing, as it is written, "And He will bless you in all that you will do."

I would suggest that you observe carefully the three daily Shiurim of Chumash (studying the daily portion of the weekly Sidra), Tillim (saying the daily quota of Tillim as it is divided according to the days of the month, after the morning prayer), and Tanya (as it is divided according to the days of the year).

Hoping to hear good news from you,
With blessing,
By (Secretary)

Though Shiduchim are orchestrated by G-d one must search for his match; In most cases one’s zivug isn’t the one who comes at the first meeting; Don’t make a raffle

By the Grace of G-d
11th of Teveth, 5720
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Greeting and Blessing:

I am in receipt of your letter of the 3rd of Teveth, in which you write about your difficulties to find your right Zivug.
Since the Torah tells us that the matter of a Zivug is in general a complicated thing which only G-d through his individual Providence can accomplish, it is clear that in most cases the right Zivug is not the one which comes at the first meeting, and it often happens that a person has to go about in search of his right Zivug, "as one goes about searching for something he has lost," as our Sages say. For when one has lost something and looks for it and does not find it right away, he will not give it up but will continue his search. The same in the case of a Zivug. And when the first meeting does not materialize, it is no basis for discouragement, and certainly not for any misinterpretation that one has destroyed his chances, and the like.

It is written in the Torah "Thou shalt be whole-hearted with G-d, thy G-d.” This means that you should not go about trying your luck through לרוג. Besides, our Sages have said "One should not rely on miracles." Therefore, you should go about looking for your Zivug in the normal and natural way which is fitting for a Yeshiva-Bochur, and then G-d sends His blessing, as it is written, "And He will bless you in all that you will do."

I would suggest that you observe carefully the three daily Shiurim of Chumash (studying the daily portion of the weekly Sidra), Tillim (saying the daily quota of Tillim as it is divided according to the days of the month, after the morning prayer), and Tanya (as it is divided according to the days of the year).

Hoping to hear good news from you,
With blessing,
By (Secretary)

PDF Preview