Every morning during the school year, I used to take two of my sons up the steps to wait for their school bus. It was a bit of a hike, about eighty or so steps, and usually our little toddler tagged along for the walk.
On the way down, she often said the same thing: “I want to go first.” And I let her. I slowed my pace and I gave her room to lead the way. It made her happy, and why not?
But then I started thinking: who’s really leading whom? Let’s say she had a tantrum, screaming until I gave in and let her go first. Am I still in charge or am I being led? Or let’s flip it. What if I was so annoyed by her tantrum that I stubbornly insisted on going first, just to prove a point. Is that leadership either?
It’s some food for thought.
When we reach Rosh Hashanah, wherever we may be, we’ll sit at our tables with symbolic foods: some with the head of a fish, others a head of a sheep, and we’ll say the age-old phrase: “Yehi ratzon... she’nihiyeh l’rosh v’lo l’zanav—May it be Your will that we be as the head and not as the tail.”
This same phrase appears in Parshat Ki Tavo. Hashem promises that if we walk in His ways, “U’netancha Hashem l’rosh v’lo l’zanav—He will make you the head and not the tail” (Devarim 28:13).
But what does it mean to be the head? Does being the head mean being first in line or being in charge or always getting the last word?
Not necessarily. The blessing of being “the head” is not about position, but perspective. It’s not about dominance, but discernment. Being the head means being deliberate instead of reactive. It means thinking before you speak, acting deliberately, and not letting your emotions drag you around like a tail being whipped in the wind. A head uses its seichel, its wisdom, thought, and restraint.
It’s easy to mistake noise for leadership or emotion for clarity. But Torah leadership—true Jewish leadership—means slowing down, thinking carefully, and acting in a way that aligns with your values and Hashem’s will.
So as we arrive at Rosh Hashanah, let us ask ourselves: are we leading our lives or are we being led?
Let us use these days to reset. To become the rosh not just in name, but in mindset. To parent, to speak, to act, to respond—from the head.
Because that is the real blessing.
