A student came to visit me and as he was leaving, he asked me for a bracha. I blessed him with love, and I blessed him with all good things. I individualized the berachos and he answered amein after each one. When I blessed him with money, he answered with a stronger amein than all the others until now. I gave him mussar and told him that I would have been happier if he answered the stronger amein with the spiritual berachos, and a weaker amein for the mundane things, or at least the same. He accepted the rebuke and went on his way.
Later that day I needed a sum of money. I called my sister to see if she could lend it to me, but she did not have it. In the meantime, I wrapped myself in a Tallis and put on Rabeinu Tam Tefillin, and asked Hashem to send me the money. Not a few moments passed, and a man came in and repaid me a lost loan of a considerable sum of money. I rejoiced with the receipt of the money. But then I had a conflicting thought, ‘I was happier receiving the money than I was by putting on tallis and tefillin, and I am giving mussar to others?!’
I was bothered by my conflict, so I went to my Rebbe Rav Gamliel Rabinovitz and presented my dilemma. He smiled and explained the root of the problem and said, “kesef means accumulating, that a person accumulates money, since with money he can buy whatever he needs, whether food or an apartment or clothing, etc. Then everyone is happy when they give him money, since he knows it is for him and he can use it.
But tallis and tefillin or other mitzvos, people feel they are benefitting the Creator and they do not understand that it is for us, and so we are less happy. But one who understands that by keeping mitzvos he benefits in this world and sends a large treasure to the World that is all Good, he would rejoice and dance for every mitzvah as if he found a large treasure.”
The Rav also mentioned that if they gave a man $1,000,000 to give to someone else, he would not be as happy as if he received a large check. Only when a person thinks he benefits is he happy.
He related a story about a man who survived the holocaust with an iron devotion, and he intentionally caused a train to be stuck, and hundreds of Jews escaped and hid in the forests and saved themselves. When he returned to his hut, he saw that they stole his bread that he squirreled away for himself, and this bothered him, is this the reward for a mitzvah?! But then he caught himself and began to dance. He said to himself, “It is not enough that Hashem allowed you to save hundreds of Jews, and you still want bread?!”
I thanked the Rav and went to yeshiva to give shiur, and a boy asked how can one rejoice with mitzvos?! I was a happy man and I gave the shiur that I just learned to 110 boys!!!
