Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So," the Judge said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
"You, attorney John, gave me $50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $10,000. He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."
A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car that breaks down in the countryside one evening.
They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late for a tow truck but he has only two extra beds and one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, “I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.” But minutes later he returns and knocks on the door and says, “There is a cow in the barn. It’s against my beliefs to sleep in the same building as a cow.” So the rabbi says, “It’s okay, I’ll sleep in the barn.” But soon, he is back knocking on the door as well, saying, “There is a pig in the barn, and I cannot shelter in a building with a pig.” So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. Shortly, there is another knock on the door and the farmer sighs and answers it. It’s the pig and the cow.
The judge was soft and gentle. “Have you ever been sent to prison?”
“No” the accused cried, tears running down his cheeks, “No, your Honor.”
“Don’t cry,” said the judge compassionately, “You are going there now.”
Judge: “You say that you had actually pulled the gun on him yet you did not fire. Why?”
Accused: “Well judge, when I pointed my pistol at him, he said: ‘How much you want for that gun?’ I ask you sir, could I kill a man when he was taking business?”
