One-liners

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in 10 did.

My dog used to chase people on bikes a lot. It got so bad that finally I had to take his bike away.