Question:
My son in Mesivta likes to share everything that goes on in yeshiva with us, his parents. For example, he talks about the boys who like to drum up “action" in the dining room or dorm. Often, these are not exactly positive behaviors, and sometimes the boys he mentions are familiar to me from the neighborhood.
Am I allowed to continue listening to these stories to give him the feeling that I’m a partner in his experience, which is very important to me, or am I obligated to stop him or ask him to tell his stories without mentioning names, etc.?
Answer:
It’s clear that the questioner is not allowed to listen to what their son says about the improper behavior of his friends in yeshiva. If there is no specific to'eles in hearing the report, there is no heter to tell it or listen to it. Therefore, if the questioner understands that it’s important for their son to share his experiences, they can let him do so without names, as long as there’s no chance that the parents will guess who he’s talking about.
This situation is actually a golden opportunity to model overcoming the yetzer of lashon hara. The questioner can tell their son, “I'm really curious to know who those bachurim are, but I'm forcefully restraining myself from asking so I won’t violate the issur of hearing lashon hara."
U FARATZTA
RABBI SHALOM BER MUNITZ
MISHMERET SHALOM
